Over the Hills and Far Away
by Merdina
Summary: An alliance between Irk and Eiscalia brings more trouble to the Massive than Red and Purple had bargined for. When Red is taken prisoner for a crime he didn't commit, Purple is left with more than he can handle on his own.
1. Arrangements

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter One – Arrangements

Eiscalia was a frozen planet. The temperature never increased to more than two degrees, and that was in its warm season. From space, it looked like a round ice-cube, surrounded by swirling clouds of snow. From its surface, it looked like a blank, freezing wasteland. This was because the only building that was above ground level was the palace of the Tempest of Eiscalia. All of the other buildings were underground, and indeed, the palace had many more underground levels beneath it.

So when the Irken Empire sent an Invader to the frozen surface, the Irken in question had stuck out like a sore thumb. The Eiscalian government had done nothing to deal with the obvious intruder; they had simply left him to the elements. The elements had won. Nonetheless, the Almighty Tallest had been quick to send out another Invader. In fact, they had sent eighteen, one after the other. All of them had died, but still the Eiscalians could not rest easily.

The Irken Armada was coming for them, and they intended to go by the old Irken motto. _If you can't beat them, __blow up their planet._ The entire Armada was slowly approaching the galaxy that Eiscalia was situated in, and they were planning to simply shoot at the planet until it collapsed in on itself, or until they surrendered to the Irken Empire. This news had not yet arrived at the Eiscalian government, but it was about to, in the form of a personal call to the Tempest herself.

A shrill ringing noise echoed through the palace. Tempest Korfilda looked up sharply from her throne. Nobody ever called the palace communications system; calls were always sent to the government. Whoever was calling had something important so say. She accepted the call. The screen flickered into life, and the Almighty Tallest appeared, staring through the screen with identical lazy smiles.

"Ah, the Tallest of Irk. To what do I owe this... _pleasure_?" Korfilda asked, sounding as though gouging out her own eyeballs with a blunt spoon would be more of a pleasure than one minute of conversation with either of them.

"Hi there," Red began, "Just a quick call to say that we're about to annihilate your planet. So, you know, prepare for your doom and all that jazz."

Korfilda's eyes narrowed and her fingers tightened on the arms of her throne.

"You... You dare suggest that your pathetic race could overthrow us? Your invaders couldn't last more than two weeks here and..."

"We're gonna blow you up!" Purple said excitedly, bouncing in his seat like a kid at a party. Red gave him a despairing glance, but nodded all the same.

"The Armada is coming. We'll rain down so many lasers on your planet that you'll... see a lot of lasers," he said with an evil chuckle. "You have about five hours before your imminent deaths. I guess we'll see you then!"

They cut the transmission. Korfilda turned to the nearest servant, who had frozen in horror. She took her by the shoulders and shook her violently until she came to her senses. When she spoke, Korfilda emphasised every word. Each one was important.

"You are to go to the Head of Government, and you are to tell him that we have a situation. And tell him it's urgent."

---

The Governmental building was a large yet nondescript structure that was directly underneath the palace. Here were the very workings of Eiscalia, though the Tempest was secretly certain that she could run the place without them. Indeed, the Head of Government had not believed her when she had said that they had not heard the last of the Irken Empire. The Irkens, he had assured her, would have no use for a planet that they could not inhabit in their Empire. However, what an Irken has no use for, an Irken usually destroys.

It was therefore unsurprising that the Head of Government felt slightly sheepish as the meeting took place. He did not like being proven wrong. As a rule, the HOG should be the one that understands these things, whereas the Tempest was just the one that stood in front of the public. The public respected Korfilda, so having a Tempest installed a lot of faith in them. It was much the same with Irkens, he reflected as he took his place next to the Tempest. Their Empire was run by the control brains, but the public looked to the Tallest; the most respected Irkens, as their leaders.

"Gentlemen, the reason that I have called you all here today is that we have a serious problem," Korfilda began. She was not one for opening with a joke. "I have informed the Head of Government prior to this meeting. In five hours, the Irken Armada is coming. The Tallest are planning to destroy Eiscalia."

At once there was outcry, pandemonium. The government officials were shouting each other down, throwing sheaves of paper, standing out of their places. One, a young female who had been promoted to her position that very morning, had burst into tears.

"WHEN YOU'RE QUITE FINISHED!" The Head of Government screeched, his rasping voice slicing through the noise like a razor through skin, spilling silence over the scene. All eyes turned to him, and he continued, "Now listen, all of you. We may have a solution to the problem, if you'll just shut up and pay attention to the Tempest we'll tell you what it is!"

"Thank you, Mort," Korfilda said in a weary voice, turning to the officials with a slight smile. "Now, as you all know, this government was assured that the Irkens would not attempt something like this..."

Mort shrank in his seat.

"...But nonetheless, I was never entirely convinced," she continued, "And so I came up with a back-up plan in case of such an emergency. Whether or not the Irkens will agree to it is another matter, but..."

"Just tell us!" wailed the crying female, and Korfilda smiled.

"Indeed. There's not much time for rambling. Basically, I intend to offer an alliance to the Irken Empire. A bond that won't easily break. I intend, my friends, to offer an arranged marriage to one of the Tallest. My daughter has agreed to this, and..."

"You want us to ally with these savages?!?" Mort exclaimed, and she shot him a piercing glare.

"Will it be possible for me to finish speaking without an interruption?" she asked icily, and he nodded sheepishly. "Anyway. With Calico bound to a Tallest, we'll be able to take down these jerks from the inside. Agreed?"

A murmur of agreement passed around the officials, and as Mort passed the motion, Korfilda sank back into her seat, closing her eyes wearily. She was getting too old for this. The Irken Empire had been a thorn in her side for the past few years, and threats of planet-wide doom were the last straw. The Eiscalians were well known for how good they were at holding grudges, and she was no exception. Her daughter, Calico, was a spiteful, poisonous snake-in-the-grass, and for once in her life, she was proud of her. If anyone was more perfect for taking down the Irkens, it was her.

"...So it's definite. Okay, Keridith, send a message to the Massive. Tell them we've got a little proposition for them."

The emotional female nodded and left the room. Korfilda stood up and followed her. She was going to fetch her daughter.

---

Aboard the Massive, the communications system logged an incoming call from Eiscalia. The Tallest accepted it, grinning vindictively. If there was one thing that they loved, it was the _please-don't-kill-us-we'll-do-anything _speech that was so common among the leaders of doomed planets. Now _that_ was entertainment. In fact, they even had popcorn ready. The Tempest Korfilda appeared on-screen. She held a white flag. The Tallest grinned. The show was about to begin.

"My most exulted Tallest," Korfilda began in a voice that was tooth-rottingly sweet, "I come with a proposition for you, in the form of an alliance of our humble planet to your mighty Empire."

"Go on," Red said, curious in spite of himself.

"My daughter, the Princess Calico, is willing to be bound to one of you, in exchange for the lives of our people. All of our trade and income would go to the leaders of Irk for as long as we remain in your Empire."

"I have a question," Purple said, leaning in towards the screen. "Is she hot?"

Korfilda's face flushed, and her eyes narrowed.

"Speaking as a mother, my Tallest, I can hardly..."

"Just answer the question!" Red snapped, and she sighed, pressing a button. Calico walked into the room, and Red bit his tongue. Korfilda was the only female Eiscalian that either of them had seen before, and she was old. Her daughter was a different matter.

Calico had pure white skin and blue lips. Her eyes were turquoise, with two dark blue pupils in each. Four long, tendril-like appendages flowed from her head, nearly reaching the floor. Two were white and two were dark blue. There was a twisted smirk on her face.

"I'm Calico," she said in a silvery voice, "A pleasure to meet you."

"So," Korfilda said, "Is she?"

Red cleared his throat awkwardly. "She'll do," he said, and Calico smiled warmly at him. "We accept your proposal."

"Okay then," Korfilda smiled, and this time her voice was brisk and business-like. "Calico can choose which of you she is to be bound to, can she not?"

"Sure thing," Red said, and Purple nodded. "This arrangement is going to bring a lot of change to the Irken Empire."

Korfilda's face broke into a frightening grin. Her eyes were narrowed to slits, and she bared her teeth at the screen.

"You can say that again," she chuckled, before bursting into peals of cackling laughter, which Calico joined in. Soon the Tallest were laughing as well. She cut the transmission. There was much preparation to do.

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update as soon as possible.**

**Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. Eiscalia and all of its inhabitants belong to me. **


	2. Cold

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter Two – Cold

"Y... You set me up, you bitch!" Calico screeched the second the transmission was cut, her eyes blazing.

"Cally, I'll not have you calling me..."

"Don't you _Cally_ me!"

Although Korfilda had told the council that Calico was perfectly happy with the arrangements, this was in fact a little far from the truth. Calico had not been informed that she was arranged to bind with one of the Tallest until Korfilda had left the governmental meeting, and she had only seen who she was engaged to when she had seen the transmission screen. She was not happy.

Storming from the room, kicking a servant over as she stomped down the corridor, she felt fiery tears on her cheeks. Eiscalians could heat themselves up by crying if the climate became too cold even for them. She had not cried herself since she was little more than a hatchling, and was instantly filled with disgust at herself, scrubbing the tears away with one of the tendrils that flowed from her head.

Having only just entered the state of adulthood, the princess had not counted on being snapped up to ally the Empires. Her mother was using her, and she detested her for it. She couldn't hear any sign of Korfilda attempting to follow her, and this made her even more annoyed. She wanted to shout at her, maybe throw something. Instead, she collapsed onto her bed and lay in moody silence, waiting for her mother to come and apologise. It was three hours later when Korfilda entered her daughter's chamber.

"I've packed your bags," she said in a low voice. Calico looked up sharply, and her eyes narrowed.

"You're actually going through with it," she noted in disgust, and Korfilda nodded, sitting warily on the edge of the bed.

"You know the Irken Armada are planning on destroying the planet, don't you?" she said, but Calico didn't reply. She continued, "I think you might actually enjoy yourself, Cally. This is the kind of thing that would appeal to you."

"You think that being married to an..." she paused, a pained expression on her face, before continuing, "_Irken_ with no choice of my own would appeal to me?"

"You'd be ruining the Irkens. You'd bring down their Empire. You'd wreck their lives," Korfilda said, shrugging. "Look, Cally, I'm not necessarily proud of it, but I've seen what you can do. You're good at messing guys up. This isn't me trying to marry you off or something. This is all about revenge."

Calico fixed her mother with a piercing glare, and Korfilda held her gaze. Eventually, Calico glanced down, face flushing a furious blue. Outrage left a lump in her throat, and she couldn't think of anything to say to her mother that she wouldn't pay for later. She couldn't believe what she was doing to her. Korfilda might think that explaining her true intentions would make the situation better, but she was bitterly wrong. _Using_ her, she was _using_ her like some weapon, just because the planet was in jeopardy. She mulled her mother's words over, clenching her fists, and then looked up.

"Fine," she spat through gritted teeth, "I'll do it for revenge."

"Excellent!" Korfilda said briskly, smiling gratefully, "You're leaving in five minutes. I'll call you when you're on the Massive and tell you the next part of the plan."

Calico left the room without looking back.

---

It was cold on the Massive. So cold, in fact, that Purple was wearing a scarf, shivering in his seat. Purple was not accustomed to it being so chilly, but as Calico came from a frozen planet, the heating would not be increased. In order for her body to adjust to the new heat, the heating would be increased slowly over a long period of time. This had already been explained to both of the Tallest, but that did nothing to improve Purple's mood. Red lounged casually in another chair, scarfing down nachos with very little regard for anything else.

"She'd better be worth it," Purple declared, his breath misting out in front of his face.

"Worth what?" Red grunted, half-chewed food spraying out in front of his own face. He wiped his mouth impatiently on his wrist-cuff.

"The cold. She'd better be worth the cold. I don't see why we can't just blow up her planet," Purple replied sulkily, drawing thin arms across his breast-plate and shivering.

"Course she's worth it," Red replied through another mouthful of nachos, "'Cause... You know..."

"I know, I know, the good of the Empire," Purple snapped. He was freezing, but he wasn't going to get warmer clothes. Not in front of Red. He didn't want to appear weaker than his co-tallest, no matter what the cost.

"I was gonna say 'cause she's hot, but whatever," Red replied, with a shrug. He glanced down at the now empty tray of nachos and stared at it for a couple of seconds. He blinked, as though he couldn't believe what he was seeing, and looked away. When he looked back, a service drone had refilled it. His features relaxed and he went back to stuffing his face.

"I wouldn't say she was hot," Purple muttered bitterly. He massaged his antennae, trying to coax some feeling back into the tips. Eventually he stood up and left the room, heading in the direction of the wardrobe department of the ship. He couldn't stand it any longer.

As Purple entered the room three wardrobe drones looked up, two male, one female. He didn't have to tell them what he was there for. He had come into the department in the morning, asking for a scarf. Though they had suggested something warmer, he had refused. Red had been with him then. The three had had a pool on how long it would be until he came back, and upon seeing her master, the female's eyes lit up. She scooped a pile of monies from a table into her pocket, grinning at her co-workers.

"My Tallest," she said, bowing her head, "What can we do for you?"

---

Calico stepped into the teleporter and smiled for the cameras that were documenting this momentous event; the Princess of Eiscalia dutifully stepping up to save the planet from certain doom and uniting two Empires. She even allowed her mother to kiss her cheek, wrapping an arm around her waist and grinning. She was a different person in the public eye, a fact that Korfilda exploited regularly. But maybe for the last time.

"Love you, Cally," Korfilda whispered in her daughter's ear, smirking as Calico clenched her jaw so as not to say some snide comment whilst the cameras were still rolling. Instead, she bent down and picked up her bags, giving the camera operator a flirtatious wave before pressing the button to teleport.

As Calico's form disappeared from the chamber, Korfilda smiled broadly. Now the Irkens were going to get what they'd had coming for a long time, and she, Korfilda, would get what she so rightfully deserved. There was an identical smile on Calico's face. She was going to give her mother exactly what she deserved for this. But her idea of what that was differed greatly from Korfilda's. She was still smiling when she exited the chamber on the Massive.

She had arrived. It had begun.

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update as soon as possible.**

**Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. Calico and Korfilda belong to me. **


	3. Relief

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter Three – Relief

Purple came out of the Wardrobe Department wrapped in many layers of warm, violet material, right down to mufflers for his antennas. He crossed his arms across his breast-plate, shivering angrily. This Princess was a stupid idea, he thought, coming in here and making him cold. As he mooched down the corridor, laughter floated through the air, a gently tinkling laugh that was affected and annoying. He opened a door to see Red on a couch, grinning smugly as the Eiscalian female giggled helplessly at whatever he had just said. She was sitting next to him, leaning against his side for support as she all but cried with mirth.

All the same, the laughter was too tinny, too forced for Purple to take it seriously. Whatever Red had said, he doubted that it was as hilarious as Calico was making out. Red looked up and his grin widened. Purple's face flushed furiously; the slightly raised eyebrow at his winter gear was all that needed to be said. Calico looked up, recovering quickly from her fit of false laughter, smiling brightly at him.

"Hello, my Tallest," she began, but Purple simply crossed the room and sat down in a chair sulkily. She was sitting in his spot on the couch.

"Cold, Pur?" Red asked lightly, and Calico burst out into the sickening laughter again. Purple's face darkened; he wasn't used to being laughed at.

Red, on the other hand, grinned more broadly than ever, settling back on the couch complacently. Purple watched Calico closely, finding that he hated her more with each thing she said. She barely glanced at him as she spoke; focussing on Red like every other female that Purple had come across to date. There was something about him that seemed to repel females, despite his great height. Perhaps it was his voice, he mused; maybe he ought to experiment with a voice alteration device. Calico had certainly smirked when he had first spoken.

"...and I told them that the curly fries were for Pur, but they still gave them to me! I mean, what's that about?" Red continued, and Calico nodded understandingly, though her double-pupilled eyes were almost glazed over.

"I understand," she said, "This one time, back on Eiscalia, I..."

"Hey!" Red said sharply, "Did I ask you to talk? No. I want you to sit there and look pretty, mate-slave."

Purple looked up, watching the bitter expression forming on Calico's face. Red smiled at her coolly, his eyes daring her to argue back. She didn't. Instead, she turned to Purple and attempted a smile at him, which faltered as he stared back blankly. She sat up straight on the couch, dark blue spots forming on her white cheeks.

"Owned," Purple smirked, and she shot him a sideways glance. Red snorted and called for snacks.

 --

Calico stood up and left the room without bothering to make up an excuse. The Tallest had been gorging on snack food for over an hour, and she was bored, and sickened, to tears. She returned to the communications room that she had entered the ship in, looking at the teleporter with maddening lust. All she would have to do was turn a dial and press a button... she could be back at home in a few seconds. But that would mean that she would show weakness in front of her mother, and she would have to admit that a male had got the better of her. Not only a male, but an _Irken_. An inferior species! Oh, and of course, the planet would be destroyed. That too.

She sighed and sank into a chair, tapping the identification code of her mother's communicator into a small keypad and watching the Eiscalian palace flicker into view. Korfilda was sitting tensely on her throne, and as Calico cleared her throat, she looked up with mounting relief.

"Cally! How are you?" she asked, her voice full of maternal concern.

"How am I? You think..." Calico began, her eyes narrowing. She took a deep, cleansing breath and started again. "I _hate_ Irkens. If you have any idea how disgusting it is out here, you'd come up with a better plan, and fast. It's your fault I'm stuck here after all. D'you know how long they've been eating for? I... ugh. Never mind."

"There _is _no better plan, and you know it. Now, listen closely. The Emperor Minas is going to call up the Tallest and invite them to a party at his palace. This will be the perfect opportunity to enter stage two of the plan. But first, you need to pick one to bind with," Korfilda said, and Calico's face brightened by a degree.

"And I still get to pick whoever I want, right?" she asked, and a slanted smile grew on the Tempest's face.

"That depends on whether the one you want is the one I tell you to pick," she replied, and Calico glared, her face turning bluer and bluer as her mother explained what the plan entailed. She barely heard it over the rage buzzing in her hearing-nodes, but as Korfilda finished, she sighed. She had to hand it to her mother; she might be a terrible parent, but her plan was pretty much foolproof.

"So, who do I get to choose?" she asked blandly.

"Just pick the stupid one," Korfilda smiled.

"Which one's the..."

"The one in purple! He'll be the easiest to break, so that's the one you'll bind with. If you can get the stronger one out of the picture, he'll be even easier to destroy. See you later, honey!"

And with that, Korfilda cut the transmission, leaving Calico fuming silently on her own. Great. She was stuck with Purple. She had been hoping that her mother would have left her to Red. Not due to his charms, of course; she didn't take kindly to being addressed as 'mate-slave', but simply because it seemed like he'd be more of a challenge. He seemed to be pretty gullible, as well. Purple had obviously seen straight through her act, but Red seemed happier to soak up her dripping compliments. She got the feeling that Purple had watched a thousand females do to Red exactly what she was doing, and maybe that was for the best. Because that way, he would expect it even less when she started sucking up to him.

--

"This is gonna be great, Pur!" Red exclaimed through a mouthful of fries, "She's just another slave, but one you get to mate with at the end of the day!"

Purple nodded enthusiastically, but inside he sighed. He didn't like the Princess and she didn't like him. He could see what would happen, and he didn't like it. She would choose to bind with Red, and Red would boast about if for about forty years, which would be bad enough. But Red would also start spending time with his new mate, and talking more to her, and mating with her. If he spent enough time with her, maybe he would even grow fond of her. And whilst all of this was going on, he, Purple, would have to be content with sitting back whilst Calico took up his place on the couch, sitting back and being forgotten.

Calico came back into the room, noted that they were still eating and gave a look that was partly disgust and partly fascination at the sheer volume of food that they were able to consume. It was almost hypnotising watching them chewing and swallowing and ripping and tearing and gulping and... The food disappeared into stomachs that were simply too skinny to possibly be able to contain it. She walked over to the couch and pushed off the wrappers that now covered it, sitting down uncomfortably, terrified of getting grease on her dress.

"Hungry?" Purple asked around a mouthful of doughnuts, and she eyed the bag he was offering with revulsion.

"That depends," she said coldly, "Is there any food on this ship that isn't deep-fried or glazed?"

The Tallest glanced at each other for a second and then burst out into hysterical laughter. Red flopped onto his side, pounding the arm of his chair to emphasise the hilarity of her question, and Purple threw back his head and screamed with laughter. Calico looked haughtily at the two, cheeks flushing, eyes narrowing. When Red seemed able to contain himself, he looked up with tears in his eyes.

"She's funny too," he said in a voice that still trembled hysterically, "Oh, this is gonna be great!"

And with that, he turned back to his snacks. Calico sighed. She had a feeling that she was going to have lost a lot of weight by the time this was over, which was hopefully going to be sooner than her mother had planned.

"Gentlemen, I have come to my decision. My _only_ decision," she added bitterly, before continuing, "Tallest Purple, I would be honoured to bind with you to ally our Empires."

Purple's eyes widened, and he turned to her in shock. This was wrong, this was all wrong! He didn't even like her, and now he would have to be bound to her. Calico smiled weakly at him, but he looked straight over her shoulder towards Red. He had his crimson eyes narrowed, his face twisted into a furious scowl. Evidently he thought that this was all wrong as well. No female in her right mind would pick Purple over him. She left the room hurriedly, before he could ask her why she had picked him. As she did, the communications screen flickered into life.

Planet Aurum

The Throne of Emperor Minas

Minas cleared his throat in front of the screen, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he waited for the Tallest to accept his call. He glanced around the throne room as he did so, and his eyes fell upon the magnificent cabinet in the corner. In it was a beautiful jewel; the only one of its kind in the universe. The Spectrulis, the jewel that made the Aural Empire stand apart from the others. If something happened to it, then his planet would be in uproar. It had been on Aurum since the planet came into existence, and it would stay there until its destruction. There was a bleep as the call was accepted, and Minas looked up from his glittering room into the dark, metallic interior of The Massive.

"Tallest Red and Purple of Irk. I'm calling to invite you to a party I'm holding in my palace in..." he paused. The irate Eiscalian on the other end of the wire that had been placed in his ear all but shouted the date, and he cleared his throat nervously. "In two weeks time. I'd be honoured if you could attend."

He looked at the Irkens with watering eyes. Red was fuming about something, and Purple nodded enthusiastically.

"Sure thing!" he said excitedly, "I love parties!"

Red cut the transmission with a glare, and Minas all but cried in relief. He stood up shakily and walked to the other side of the throne. The Eiscalian that had been digging the barrel of a laser gun into the back of his neck during the transmission stepped out, smiling. The smile had a strange, grateful quality to it, as though he really hadn't wanted to shoot him. Minas swallowed deeply before speaking in a very small voice.

"There. I did it. W...Will you leave my Empire alone now?" he asked, attempting a confident stare, "Please. I don't want to be a part of this."

"We'll leave you alone soon enough, Emperor," the Eiscalian replied, slipping the gun into his belt, "As far as I know, the Tempest just wants you to invite the Tallest to your palace."

"W...was the gun really necessary?" Minas asked shakily, and he gave him a grave smile.

"She _really_ wanted you to invite them. Who knows why? All I know is, I won't be coming back to persuade you about anything else. Good bye, Emperor."

As the Eiscalian guard walked down the corridor to his ship, Minas let out a deep breath in relief. Nothing bad could happen just from inviting a couple of Irkens to the palace. Maybe Tempest Korfilda simply wanted them out of the way for a while. As the guard had said, who knew? All that mattered was that he hadn't died and these troublesome Eiscalians wouldn't be coming back. He glanced over at the Spectrulis once more before he left the room. Everything was okay.

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update soon.**

**Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. I own Calico, Korfilda, the Eiscalians and Emperor Minas. **


	4. Ceremonies

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter Four – Ceremonies

"I don't want to be bound to Calico," Purple muttered, more to himself than to anyone else.

Red sat and stared at Purple for a long time, clicking his tongue in a vague attempt to irritate his co-tallest. No such luck. In fact, Purple didn't seem to be registering much at the moment. He looked strangely pensive, an expression that rarely occurred on his face, if ever. This annoyed Red even more. His pride had been dented; nobody picked Purple over him, and the fact that Purple didn't even like his new fiancée just added insult to injury. Eventually, he spoke.

"She should have picked me. You know what it is? She's one of those highly-strung females. She got annoyed 'cause I called her 'mate-slave' so she's trying to annoy me," he said in an attempt to reassure himself. It took Purple a while to work out what Red was implying, but when it clicked he turned to him, his eyes narrowing slowly.

"Are you saying that she wouldn't pick me for any other reason?" he asked, and Red shrugged nonchalantly.

"She's not really your type, Pur," he said in the kind of tone a handler might use with a nervous animal, "She's the kind of female who'd go for someone smart, witty and good looking."

"You?" Purple asked, an eyebrow raised, and Red nodded encouragingly. Well done, little Pur you get an A; go to the head of the class.

"Exactly! You just need to wait to find a female who'll accept you for who you are and then..."

Purple stood up suddenly and looked at Red reproachfully, practically shouting that Calico had picked _him_, not Red, so he could just SHUT UP! Outside the room, Calico smiled. It wasn't as though she had known at the time that her picking Purple would make them _both_ annoyed at each other, but she drew pride from it all the same. The plan that Korfilda had made for her to carry out at the party would be a lot easier if Red thought he had something to prove. She sighed. Once Red was out of the picture she had a feeling that things would be pretty boring on the Massive. She allowed one of the tendrils that flowed from her head to snake around the door in order to hear more clearly.

"Listen, Pur," Red continued reasonably, "At least put off the ceremony for a while. So that if she _does_ have second thoughts, you'll be let off the hook, right?"

Purple exploded at this. The ceremony, he said, would be today, as soon as possible. In fact, he was having second thoughts about inviting Red at all. Calico smiled and slipped off to go and change, but before she could get much further than the end of the corridor, spindly fingers closed around her arm and pulled her back. It was Red, his face twisted into a hideous grimace.

"You should have picked me, mate-slave," he spat, and she looked calmly at him.

"I really don't see why. With all due respect, what makes you so special?" she asked politely, and Red's eyes widened.

"Whaddya mean 'what makes me so special'? I'm the _Tallest_!" he gasped, as though he was answering the most idiotic question he had ever encountered.

"Ah, yes, just one of your many talents. You'll definitely win me over by being tall at me," Calico smirked.

Red watched her walk away with bulging eyes until she turned the corner. She looked back over her shoulder and winked. He stood in the middle of the corridor, wondering what to do with himself. His authority had just been challenged by somebody who was not only shorter than him, but not even Irken! And most of all, she was denying him something that was, after all, rightfully his. But what a Tallest wants, a Tallest usually gets one way or another. He wasn't going to let a little thing like Calico choosing Purple stop him.

--

Though she had only been a hatchling at the time, Calico could still remember the first bonding ceremony that she had attended. It had been the bonding of Korfilda's sister, and Calico had been in the front row. Orpall had walked up to the ceremonial table, her long antennas entwined with the short, Irken-esque antennas of the male Eiscalian. Whilst Calico and her mother had two blue antennas, Orpall's were yellow, and the golden pupils in her gleaming eyes had made them look like enormous double-yolked eggs. She was wearing a marigold dress.

As the two reached the table, Korfilda had squeezed Calico's hand and smiled, glowing with pride for her sister. Calico had watched, wide eyed, as her Aunt downed the ceremonial liquid. She had coughed and spluttered at the fiery strength of the brew, before looking up to see her mate doing exactly the same. They had looked at each other and grinned, and it had been at this moment that Calico had realised that she wanted her own bonding ceremony to be with a male that was in tune with her. She wanted to look every bit as beautiful as Aunt Orpall had done, and most importantly, she wanted the ceremony to be just as perfect as that one had been. Korfilda had looked down to her daughter and placed her hands on her shoulders.

"You're the youngest single female in the family now, honey. So, when are you going to bind with that cute male from your painting class, eh?"

Cally had giggled and blushed, shaking her head violently.

"I'm going to get bonded with the bestest, most handsomest, richest male in all of Eiscalia," she had replied, with a child's reasoning, "Because I want to bind for _true love_."

"I'll keep an eye out for him then, darling," Korfilda had smiled, "Your bonding day is the one every female remembers. I want yours to be extra special."

Calico narrowed her eyes. As usual, her mother had lied to her. Her _extra special_ bonding ceremony was to some lanky, idiotic Irken, and it certainly wasn't true love. But that didn't matter as long as she was helping her Empire. Wasn't that was everybody was worried about? The Empire? The Irkens only cared about it, her mother couldn't give a toss about anything else, and both she and Purple were being forced into it. The only difference was that she knew what she was letting herself in for. 

Or at least, she thought she did. The mauve-eyed male Irken from the Wardrobe Department came in, a wide smile on his face.

"Princess Calico," he said in a lisping, camp voice, "I have been ordered by the Tallest Purple to inform you that you are required for your bonding ceremony. That is all."

She shot him a withering glare and watched him recoil from the room, bowing as he walked. Then she stood up with a sigh. Should she bother to change into a nicer dress? After much deliberation, she decided that it was for the best. A long, slinky number with a slit up the side, perhaps? To really get Red riled up. She hummed the Eiscalian Bonding March as she dressed. When she opened the door, the mauve-eyed servant was waiting patiently for her. He eyed her dress with a faint smile.

"Well, slave. You'd better show me the way, or I'll be late for my own bonding," Calico said dryly, and he nodded. She followed him wearily down the endless corridors until they got to a door.

"They're waiting for you," the servant said, and opened the door.

--

Calico walked into a dingy, drab room that had many pieces of lethal-looking machinery in it. In the centre, leaning on what looked like an industrial tin opener, was Purple. He hadn't bothered to change, she noticed. In fact, there were still doughnut crumbs on his robes from his gorge-fest earlier. She approached him with a look of uncertainty in her eyes. Red stood the other side of the machine, an unreadable expression on his face. She held her head high and swallowed deeply.

"What's that machine?" she asked, and Red spoke, his voice bland and bored.

"It's the ceremonial laser cutter. Used primarily for surgically removing the middle finger of new Tallests, but also for bonding ceremonies," he explained, and she eyed the laser nervously.

"Would the Princess please insert her finger into the hole provided," the technician requested mechanically, whilst Red and Purple sniggered at the phrase.

Calico rolled her eyes in a vain attempt to hide her fear, placing her finger into the metal tube. As the technician began to power up the machine, Red noticed that her hands were trembling, and though Calico had her head held high, her eyes were lowered. She slid her remaining hand across the surface of the machine until it reached Purple's, resting it against it until he took the hint and closed his claws limply around her fingers. The laser burst into life, and she drew in a gasp, squeezing Purple's hand tightly, her eyes screwed shut.

Purple looked at his soon-to-be-mate with mild puzzlement on his face. She was grasping at his hand for comfort, or protection. Her face was closed up in pain, and a single tear rolled down her cheek, so hot he could see steam fizzling from it. Then the machine turned off, and it was over. Purple took one last look at their intertwined hands on the table before she jerked hers away so she could tenderly nurse her finger.

Calico turned her hand in the light, looking at the words that had been tattooed in a ring around her finger. As she read them, her throat closed up and the pit of her stomach tightened. She turned to her new mate in shock, as though to confirm that they were true. He stared back, his eyes wide. She glanced back towards the loving maxim that her body was forever branded with.

_Property of Tallest Purple_

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update soon!**

**Invader Zim is the property of Jhonen Vasquez.**

**I own Calico, the other Eiscalians and the Wardrobe Drones. **


	5. Property

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter Five – Property

_Prop-er-ty. Something owned; a possession. Something to which the owner has legal title_. At least, that was the definition that the computer on the Massive had given when Calico, hoping that the word had a different meaning in Irken terms, had asked it to define her new title. The honourable and desirable title in question had been neatly printed on her door, and encoded into the chip that she had been implanted with shortly after the bonding ceremony. She was now 'Princess Calico of Eiscalia, Property of Tallest Purple'. And of course, just in case she forgot it in spite of all of this, it was also tattooed on her finger for quick and easy reference.

The end of her charming bonding ceremony had been almost as difficult to forget. She had stood, dumbstruck, staring at the tattoo as though it had mesmerising properties. After a while, Red had yawned hugely and left the room so that Purple and Cally could be alone. Well, not quite alone. Shortly after the door had closed a reporter had scurried in, a camera hovering along behind her. Would her most exulted Tallest be willing to be transmitted across Irk at this happy time? Yes, Purple had replied tiredly, he would. And suddenly her charm had been broken, to be replaced with brisk efficiency as she clapped the camera on and smiled fiercely into the lens.

"This is your reporter, Emory, broadcasting _live_ from inside The Massive," she had said (and Calico noticed that all the Irkens she had come across so far had pronounced the name of the command ship with capital letters), "Where the controversial alliance between Irk and Eiscalia has just come into effect. The Almighty Tallest Purple has granted us an audience with him and his new mate."

As the camera had turned, panning upwards considerably from Emory to show Purple, an amazing transformation occurred on his usually blank face. He had grinned and given a lazily regal wave to the camera, comfortable in the role of the gracious leader of Irk that he was so used to. Calico could almost hear the creak of a thousand hands swinging upwards to salute the face on the screen. Purple, it seemed, really could hear it, and he had nodded in faint acknowledgement of the praise that he knew he was receiving many galaxies away.

The reporter had asked many babbling questions, all of which Purple answered in a slow, slightly confused voice. As the camera turned away from Emory yet again, she had gestured violently to one of the nearby service drones, mouthing that Calico wasn't in the shot, and suddenly Calico had found herself shoved roughly against Purple's side. With that, Emory had cut Purple off in mid sentence and turned back to the camera with a leer.

"On behalf of the citizens of Irk, I'm honoured to greet the Princess Calico. And perhaps, to show the Irken citizens your gratitude for this alliance, the Princess would allow us to record your first kiss as a newly-bound couple?"

And that had been it. Purple had hovered up to the camera, switched it off and stormed from the room, muttering to himself bitterly. The squat reporter had turned to Calico with an eyebrow raised and received a vicious kick in return. Then the service drone that had shoved her had come along with a lethal-looking stapler and a chip that seemed sadistically tiny in comparison. The chip had been implanted painfully into her hand and she had been sent to her room, where she now languished in her own self-pity.

Calico pressed a button, activating the invisibility hologram. The walls of her room melted away, revealing the galaxies as they passed them by. She sighed as a blur of stars passed in front of her eyes, thinking of her home planet. Where females weren't treated as... wait! She stood up, grinning, because she had just thought of something that would free her from Purple. She remembered a while back her mother talking about how the Irkens had installed a system where both genders were treated equally (in other words, they were both treated as slaves to their Tallest). That was back when Miyuki was the Tallest. She rushed from the room at once.

--

"It's not so much as a snack food as a work of art," Purple continued, holding up a curly fry with unembellished adoration. Red rolled his eyes and lay back on the couch, one antenna perked up to hear the sound of marching heels getting ever closer to the room. Nobody looked up as Calico entered. She spoke anyway.

"My Tallest, I have an important issue that I feel needs to be addressed," she said importantly.

"What is it now?" Purple grunted, and she cleared her throat.

"You can't have me as your property," she replied, and at once they turned around, staring at her with saucer-like eyes.

"You dare to tell the Tallest what he can and cannot have?" Red asked incredulously whilst Purple continued his stare, seemingly in shock.

"My 'title' violates your equal-genders act, which has been in place since the rein of Tallest Miyuki," Calico said smugly, and Red laughed harshly.

"Foolish mate-slave," he smirked, "Our equal-genders act states applies to Irkens and Irkens only. So in future, maybe you ought to take a look in the mirror before standing up to your master _and_ your Tallest. You are a female of a lesser species, and if it weren't for your pretty little face you wouldn't even be bound to Pur right now."

They slapped hands in a high-five (well, a high-two) and laughed whilst Calico gaped at them in horror. The word 'monsters' came to mind, and she would have turned on her heel and stalked gracefully from the room that very second if her brain were capable of thinking coherently. Finally her head cleared and she looked back at the two, her four pupils contracted to pin-pricks of fury.

"So what does my new title involve?" she asked, spitting the word 'title' and glaring at Red. He smiled evilly back.

"Obeying Pur's every little whim. As the rightful order dictates, slave. You have to do _anything_ he says, right Pur?" he grinned, nudging Purple in the side and leering.

"A...And what does my Tallest say I should do right now?" she asked in a cracked voice. Red's face lit up, and he looked at Purple expectantly. Purple raised his eyes slowly to meet hers, his expression suddenly changing from the laughter that had lingered on his face to one of bitter indifference.

"Go to your room. Do whatever you want. Just don't leave the ship," he said in a low voice, before waving a hand dismissively at her. She left silently; listening to Red's disappointed exclamations behind her.

Nearly an hour later, Purple sat alone on the couch. Red had long since stormed from the room, after a heated argument about how Purple was clearly not 'taking advantage' of Cally in order to spite Red. And maybe he was, just a little bit. But only a little bit. Because no matter what Red said, he also thought that Calico had picked the wrong Tallest. He didn't want her to mate with him, kiss him, or even touch him. Sure, he had laughed with Red at his many ideas about what he could order her to do to him, but he would never actually get her to. He didn't like the way he had been forced into this alliance, and he definitely didn't like _her_.

What was more, when she and Red were in the same room he could sense something; something that he was picking up with more than his antennas. That tension in the air that he knew from a thousand females before her. She had even been flirting with Red when she first arrived here, so why did she pick him instead? It only increased that tension. Struck with unease, he decided that he would force Red to promise that he wouldn't touch Calico. He didn't like her, he didn't want her, but he still owned her. And Purple didn't like people touching his things.

--

Red sat on the bed that took up a large proportion of his personal chamber. Of course, with their PAKs, Irkens didn't _require_ sleep, but they could if they wanted, to kill a few hours. It wouldn't increase their energy; to do that they had to plug into a PAK recharger, which only had to be done once every ten years. Either way, this particular bed was rarely used for sleeping in. Red preferred to use it for activities that were much more physically tasking.

He felt the silken sheets sliding through his fingers before digging his claws in with a scowl and raking long slits in them. Purple was dangling that mate-slave right in front of his nose, trying to get him angry because he had said that no female in her right mind would pick him. But he wouldn't get to him that easily, he thought furiously, kicking over an end-table that had held a beautiful, candy-filled bowl. The candy spilled on the floor with a machine-gun rattle.

"And she knows," he muttered, thinking of Calico's smug face and knowing smile. He was going to get what he deserved, and she would get what she deserved too. After he was done with her, she wouldn't be walking straight for a week.

At that moment, there was a timid knock at the door. He wrenched it open to see Purple standing outside, his face set into what he clearly hoped was a determined and forceful grimace. They stood in silence for a few moments, before Purple brought out a small box from his pocket. A present. All grudges forgotten, Red ripped the ribbon and paper from it with an excited flourish taking the lid off to see something metallic and shiny. He grinned broadly, showing all of his shark-like teeth. It was a laser gun, a beautiful, glistening, deadly laser gun, and it was engraved with his name and a message. He looked up into the violet orbs that were watching him nervously.

"D'you like it?" Purple asked, trying and failing to mask his hopeful tone.

"It's great! When did you... why did you...?"

"I got it for you ages ago, and I forgot – I mean, I've been trying to find the right moment to give you it. So... will you stop shouting at me about the mate-slave?" he asked, before adding, tentatively, "And will you promise not to touch her?"

Red nodded distractedly, aiming the gun at various different objects and trying it out. A particularly short service drone came around the corner, and Red span the gun around his claw before pulling the trigger. A crimson laser beam shot out with such force that his hand was forced backwards. When it hit the drone, he was instantly vaporised. The tray he was carrying dropped to the floor with a clash. Red whistled admiringly; he had been expecting a puncture hole at most. Purple was looking over his shoulder into his chamber, eyeing the ripped bed sheets, upended table and carpet of candy nervously and wondering if giving Red a gun had been the best idea after all. He was pretty sure he could have won him over just as easily with a plate of nachos.

"Ah, this is awesome!" Red exclaimed, shooting yet another service drone as they came around the corner, "I'm gonna put it in my belt for that party. It'll look so cool!"

Purple grinned. He had forgotten about the party, which would be extremely soon. Two weeks in Aural terms was the equivalent to two days in Irken time. He loved parties, and the Emperor Minas' palace was extremely lavish and luxurious. There would be loads of food, and he would have the chance to laze around and be waited on by somebody else's servants for a change. Best of all, the females on Planet Aurum were always willing to give you a taste of what Red had dubbed 'Aural Sex'. Well, they were always willing to give Red a taste of it, he had yet to have any offers. The thought that he wouldn't be getting any offers from here on it suddenly came to him. Females rarely wanted to mate with a male that was bound.

He groaned and started off down the corridor, hovering neatly over the tray that one of Red's practise targets had dropped. Things just seemed to be going from bad to worse.

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update soon. **

**I would like to point out that any similarities between characters or objects in this story with ones from my previous fic 'A Dib and Tallest Romance' are intentional. This story isn't related to the other one in the slightest; I simply want to make sure that my image of life on the Massive is consistent. **

**Invader Zim is the property of Jhonen Vasquez.**

**I own Calico, Emory and all of the inhabitants of Planet Aurum.**


	6. Dressing

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter Six – Dressing

Calico woke up extremely comfortable in her silken bed, wondering if it wasn't so bad on this ship after all. She could probably get used to it here, as long as everything went according to plan. If she made even the slightest hiccup in the proceedings she would be found out, and she had heard what the Tallest did to people who committed treason. It sounded painful. But enough of that. It was the party tomorrow, and she had to prepare. Upon enquiring as to where the Tallest were, she was informed that they were bathing in their private suite. She had also been allocated a private suite.

She walked down the corridor to find a small, minimalistic room. A simple bath was sunk into the floor, just big enough for her to relax in. The whole room was blinding white; stark and clinical. But she did find some bubbles in a cupboard, so it wasn't all bad. Upon bathing and wrapping herself in a blue bath robe, Calico went down to the Wardrobe Department to organise her outfit for the party.

The Wardrobe Dept was smaller than she would have liked, and there were only three service drones there. One of them was a female with pink eyes, who was tiredly polishing a purple breastplate. The two males were, to her amusement, making out in the corner. As she entered they broke apart quickly and leapt to their feet. She recognised one as the camp, mauve-eyed male that had lead her to her bonding ceremony. The other was a male with eyes that were bright blue at first glance, but on closer inspection were green, verging on azure. She raised an eyebrow at the odd couple and sat down silently. Eventually, the female walked over.

"Mistress Calico, I presume," she said, smiling nervously.

"That's me. Princess Calico, property of your beloved Tallest Purple. And you are?" Calico asked. Back on Eiscalia, she had known all of the servants by name. She doubted that the Tallest knew all of their servants quite as well; there were so many of them, and they all looked the same.

"My name is Flo. I'm the Tallest's personal dresser," she added proudly, before introducing the others. "The one with mauve eyes is Helio. He's worked here for most of his life. And that's Gem. He doesn't talk much. What can we do for you, mistress?"

"I need a new dress to wear to the party tonight," Calico replied, and Helio's eyes widened.

"You want a _new_ dress?" he asked excitedly, and Calico nodded confusedly in reply. The three looked as though their dreams had come true.

Turning to look around the Wardrobe Department, Calico realised that though there were many outfits hanging up, they were many duplicates of the robes and armour that Red and Purple wore. They might be the Tallest, she thought, but they still have their own uniform, just like everyone else. The only job that the Wardrobe Drones had was the upkeep of the armour and washing and straightening robes. No wonder they were excited to make her a new outfit! The question was would they be able to have it finished for tomorrow? Flo assured her that they would.

Calico found, as she sat amongst the servants in the small, monotonous Wardrobe Dept that she quite liked it here. The servants that worked here weren't as mechanical as the ones that served food to the Tallest. They were happy to talk to her. She vowed to ensure that this room would be full of different outfits by the time she was done with it. Gem had already washed and pressed the dress she had been wearing the day before, and Flo had offered to dress her in it.

"Do you think I'm so helpless I can't even dress myself?" Calico had asked haughtily, and at that moment, Red and Purple had walked in, wearing corresponding bath robes. They stepped behind a screen, and Flo went behind it, dressing them in their robes and armour. They stood still, not helping, and she had to thread their limp arms through their breast plates and wrist cuffs.

Calico had watched this with amusement and fascination. The Almighty Tallest were allegedly the picture of unlimited power. And despite this, they seemed to be completely helpless. An ironic thought occurred to her. Power was measured by the amount of everyday tasks that you performed for yourself. Almighty though they were, Calico had a feeling that the Tallest would crumble if they didn't have service drones to bring them their snacks, that they would be stumped by something as simple as putting on their clothes. She found herself wondering, slightly hysterically, whether the Tallest had a servant to pull the flush for them. Or to wipe them. She snorted at that, and saw Red's eyes look up over the top of the screen, trying to decide whether she was mocking him or not.

"What's so funny, mate-slave?" he asked, and she looked up, still smiling.

"I was just remembering something that my mother once told me. She said 'Cally, don't ever mate with a tall male. Anyone with so much height has to be compensating for something much more important being a lot shorter'," Calico smiled, watching his eyes widen as he worked it out. She grinned wider and added; "Flo. You've seen it all. Is it true?"

"Remove her!" Red ordered, his eyes narrowed to insulted slits, and Gem and Helio promptly frog-marched her from the room.

She went without fuss, asking concernedly whether they would still make her dress. Yes, they promised, they would. They had to raise themselves up on their mechanical spider-legs in order to reach her arms. She smiled wickedly at them, taking the dress that Gem had pressed back to her room in order to get changed. She didn't think that the Tallest would want much of her company for today. She took one last glance through the door before going back to her room. Flo mouthed one word; 'Yes'. Calico laughed, though inside she groaned. Just like her mother to be right. As she walked off, she heard Purple's voice.

"Red? What did she mean by that?" he asked. There was a loud exclamation as she turned the corner.

As she had suspected, the Tallest had refused Calico's company for that day. She had spent it exploring the ship and acquainting herself with the many servants. She found that she detested all of them but the Wardrobe Drones. Flo, Helio and Gem were almost decent enough to be Eiscalian servants, not the creepily mechanical Drones that worked on the rest of this ship. She was sitting back on the comfortable bed in her room, the invisibility hologram activated on her walls. She didn't feel quite so trapped when she could see every single star, sun and planet that they passed.

She lay back. It was the party tomorrow, and she would need to keep her strength up for what her mother had planned for her. She bit her tongue in mild disgust at the thought of her mother planning _this_ particular part, but all in all she thought it was a good plan. And, of course, it gave her the chance to go to a party as well; one of the perks of her current situation. Heavy eyelids slid over her eyes and sleep enveloped her. In the morning, she would apologise for her behaviour. In the afternoon, she would follow her instructions. In the evening, Red would be gone.

--

The dress was ready for her in the morning. The Wardrobe Drones had worked all night to complete it, and had shown it to her with unadulterated pride. She had exclaimed over it, before stepping behind the Tallest's screen and slipping into it. Helio had picked out her make-up, which had been applied with expert speed. When she was ready, she had stepped out in front of the mirror and turned to admire herself from all different angles. If Calico had a character flaw, and she had many, then it was vanity.

"Beautiful," Helio trilled.

"Yeah," Flo agreed.

Gem just nodded.

Calico set off to breakfast, wondering dimly what it would consist of, and whether she would be able to stomach it. To be allowed to eat with the Tallest was, according to Helio, a great honour. They ate at a balcony that overlooked the food hall, where the servants ate their meals. This balcony was decorated to be much like a box in a theatre. She walked in to see a large table that stretched out to fill the room. There were only three chairs at it. The Tallest already occupied two of them, at the far end of the table. Calico's chair was at the other end, as far away from them as possible. There was a communications screen on one wall, which beeped for attention as she took her seat.

The Tallest accepted the call, and groaned when they saw who it was. Another Irken, incredibly short, with adoring amaranth eyes that were fixated on his Tallest. He was standing in a dark room, with an obviously malfunctioning robot behind him. He wore an outfit that Calico recognised as an Irken Invader's standard-issue uniform. She had seen enough Invaders back on Eiscalia to know one when she saw one, though she had never seen one so, well, lacking in height before. Red's eyes were narrowed and Purple looked as though he might burst into tears from sheer exasperation.

"My Tallest! Forgive me for not calling sooner, but I only just heard the news!" the Invader said gravely, and Red sighed.

"We know, Zim. We blocked you from receiving news updates and communications from Irken sources," he said wearily. Zim beamed.

"I know. An oversight, I'm sure. But don't worry. As soon as I found that such an important mistake had been made, I hacked back into the system. No need to thank me; I have it all under control," he replied proudly before adding, "I saw the news transmission, so I called to offer my congratulations to my Tallest Purple for such a noble and..."

Calico lost interest here and started to look at the food at the table instead. As she had suspected, there was nothing that she would be able to stomach. She selected a single doughnut from the bus-sized table and began to scrape the sugar off in disgust. She took a tiny bite from the side, shuddering at its greasy sweetness, chewing slowly and elegantly. Across the table, whilst Purple tried desperately to cut off Zim's transmission, Red was piling food into his mouth with no abandon, cramming it so full that he had to chew with his mouth open. He glanced up and glared at her, still sore from her jibe yesterday. She smiled demurely back. Seeing how flustered Purple was with Zim's constant questions, Red swallowed and turned to the screen.

"Listen, Zim. We've got a party to go to. We'll call you back later. Don't call us in the meantime, though, or our lines might get crossed," he said, and Zim's eyes lit up.

"Of course, my Tallest! I'll sit here in front of the screen until you call," he promised, and Red nodded, cutting the transmission with a sigh of relief. Now that there was silence, Calico decided to apologise for what she had said the night before, to try and get back into the Tallest's good books.

"My Tallest, I just want to apologise for my behaviour yesterday," she said in honeyed tones, "It's Eiscalian humour, you see, so you probably wouldn't under..."

"No! Don't tell me what you think I understand!" Purple shouted, scraping his chair back from the table and drawing himself up to fill height, before pointing an accusing finger at her and saying in a dark voice, "I might not be as smart as Red, but I know that I don't trust you. So you can just... just _shut up_!"

As he left the room, Red stared after him in wide-eyed amazement. Calico doubted that he'd ever seen his counterpart actually stand up for himself before. They sat in silence, looking up at each other. Every time their eyes met there was an uncomfortable staring match. Red always won. Eventually, Calico cleared her throat and spoke, breaking the silence as sharply as breaking a mirror.

"What are the chances of him ever falling in love with me?" she asked. Her plan would be easier if Purple had feelings for her, but it wasn't looking so good. Red looked up, and there was a smile in his eyes when they met hers.

"About as good as the chances of me calling Zim back," he replied, and she sighed.

"Maybe I _did_ pick the wrong Tallest," she said and he smirked. She stood up and walked over to stand behind him. She whispered to him, "Maybe, at the party, I could find a way to make it up to you. Think of it as compensation."

Red's eyes widened further and a twisted grin appeared on his face. He turned to face her and she smiled coyly back. She left the room and walked to her chamber with the same smile. When she sat on her bed and let the door slide closed behind her, she exploded into laughter until hot tears spouted from her eyes. The hard part had been incredibly easy. She had a feeling she would be running this ship a lot sooner than either she or her mother had planned.

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update soon. **

**Invader Zim is the property of Jhonen Vasquez.**

**I own Calico, Helio, Gem and Flo. **


	7. Impact

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter Seven – Impact

Red, Purple and Calico stood together in the teleporter, crowded up to each other uncomfortably. Calico was squashed into the back of the machine, whilst the Tallest stood in front of her, reminding her of her place in life from now on. She watched the way that Purple cringed angrily away from the feeling of her breath brushing his neck, wondering if it wouldn't have been easier to go against her mother's wishes and choose Red from the start. But all thoughts of her mission instantly melted away as the teleporter flashed and they stepped out into the palace of Emperor Minas. She had barely spent any time on the Massive, but she had spent enough time there to have been depressed by its dim, metallic interior.

The glittering palace brought her back to startling reality, reminding her that there was still colour in the world. She blinked and looked around, smiling slightly. Eiscalia had, back when she had just been hatched, been at peace with Aurum. She could dimly remember parties at the palace before, being carried around by a minder whilst her mother had soaked up the attention of the crowds. Her mother had been beautiful back then, but only a small amount of this beauty remained undiluted by age. Calico wondered if Korfilda would get half as much attention now as she had back then.

The Emperor, a servant humbly informed them, was waiting for them in the ball room with the other guests. They walked through, Calico standing in between the Tallest. She looked very small with them looming on either side of her, as she only came up to half-way up their chests. Despite this, she strutted confidently as the Tallest walked stiffly next to her. Their hover-belts weren't accepted by the teleporter at Minas' palace, and walking wasn't something that they did if they could help it. They entered the ball room, which was packed with important people of all different species. Despite the noise that they all created, over the top of the music that was playing, the Emperor looked up sharply as the door closed, as though he had been expecting them. He got up from his seat and walked over. He came up to the Tallest's knees.

"Princess! Princess Calico, is that really you?" Minas exclaimed, his voice thin and reedy, "Look at you! The last time I saw you, you were just a baby! But aren't you beautiful?"

"Emperor Minas! Thank you for inviting us. How are your wives?" Calico replied, smiling complacently.

"They're fine, my dear, but please won't you come with me? My son wants to meet you. He's your age," he grinned, before nodding to each of the Tallest. "Tallest Red. Tallest Purple. Thank you for coming."

He led Calico away, leaving Red and Purple standing in the doorway, looking slightly put out by the less than enthusiastic greeting that they had just been given. Red rolled his eyes around the room, scanning it for possible females, whilst Purple walked off to one of the food servers and started to cram the food from their tray into his mouth. At the other side of the room, Minas turned on Calico, dropping his act and talking in a voice that would have been intimidating had it not been for his incredible lack of height.

"Why did your mother send armed guards to my palace?" he demanded coldly, his black eyes narrowed.

"Please, Emperor," Calico said innocently, "I've been forced into an arranged marriage. I've been on the Massive, and haven't been in contact with my mother since she sent me away. I have no idea what she's doing."

"Are you sure?" Minas asked, an eyebrow raised, and she nodded earnestly. He smiled uncertainly at her and waved his hand. "Enjoy yourself," he said.

"Oh I intend to," she replied, her face split with an impossibly wide grin. "I intend to very much."

--

"Are we having fun yet?" Purple whined as he sat on the couch with his head propped up on his hand. Next to him, Red was making out with one of the many servers that were standing around. Every so often the girl's foot would kick out and nudge Purple in the ribs. Red dragged himself away just long enough to assure him that they _were_ having fun, before turning right back to the server. Purple sighed. This wasn't turning out to be a very promising party. Another one of the serving girls came by, carrying a tray of drinks. She smiled courteously at Purple, offering him a glass.

"Alcoholic beverage, sir?" she sparkled, and he glanced up briefly.

"Sure," he muttered, taking a glass. There was a brief slurping noise as Red broke away from the female again.

"I'll take one of those," he said, knocking it back in one gulp and continuing with his previous task. Purple stared at him for a moment, before knocking back his own drink and spluttering helplessly. He grabbed another one from the tray before the server could leave. Then another. Red watched him over the female's shoulder, his eyes widening. He pushed the girl off his lap, sending her sprawling indignantly to the floor, and grabbed another two drinks. He wasn't going to be outdone, not by Pur. Purple looked up and grinned. He could sense a competition in the air. He called for more drinks with a flourish.

--

Calico walked out of the ballroom without looking back, speeding up her pace as she went out into the corridor. She glanced around. Here was a statue of Minas; here was the large, golden pillar, which meant that somewhere there should be... She turned the corner and grinned. There was a painting of the Emperor's wives hanging on the wall. She pressed the nose of the one on the left, and the painting slid apart to reveal a keypad. She typed in the number that Korfilda had left her, and the wall popped open. There was a switch pad behind the panel. Bingo.

She disabled the security cameras and alarms with one simple button, before carefully closing up the panel and sliding the picture back into place. The whole operation had taken her very little time, but she wasn't ready to carry out the plan just yet. She still needed to find the room that her mother had described to her. Unless she knew where it was, nothing would be achieved. However, she knew exactly how to find out. All she had to do was to get Red to lead her there. In fact, she might as well carry out both stages of the plan in that room.

She walked slowly back to the ball room, before seeing a door out of the corner of her eye. She stopped and grinned. She wouldn't even need Red to lead her there; the room was practically across the corridor from the ball room. It was perfect. She opened the now unlocked door, peering around the corner into the throne room. Taking up one of the walls was a huge glass cabinet containing the Spectrulis. It was so beautiful, glittering and unique, that Calico took a time out to stare at it for a while. There were force detectors on the glass, but she knew that now she had overridden the security they would be completely useless.

As she closed the door just as carefully as she had replaced the painting, she heard cheering from the next room. The kind of animal, empty cheering that you might hear at a school-yard fight; cheering without supporting either team. She stood considering the situation for a moment. It sounded like a drinking contest, and the harder she listened, the easier it was to pick out what the crowd was shouting. _In one, In one, In one!_ Calico sighed. Things like drinking contests annoyed her immensely. She walked slowly back into the party.

The crowd circled the couch that Red and Purple were now almost laying on, cheering as the pair attempted to go shot for shot with each other. Calico had never seen the Tallest drunk before, but now that she did, she saw that something quite incredible happened when they were. They seemed to have gone through a complete role-reversal in personalities. Purple was irate and impatient whilst Red had been reduced to a giggling wreck, clinging onto the couch for fear he might fall off. He looked up when Calico walked over, a huge clown-smile plastered on his face.

"H...Hey, Pur! Cally's here!" he hiccoughed, before adding in a stage-whisper, "She wants to do me, y'know. She p... She picked you, but she wants to do me."

He burst into fresh peals of laughter whilst Purple sat up in his seat and glared at him blearily. He rolled violet eyes to Calico, staring at her for a moment. He didn't recognise her, so he turned back to Red.

"Shut up! Just shut up!" he slurred, before rounding on the server and adding angrily, "Didn't I ask you for a refill? Where is it?"

"Maybe you've had enough," Calico said quietly, and the cheering dissipated.

"You can't tell me what to do!" Purple declared, before adding, "Do you know who I am?"

"Why? Have you forgotten?" Calico asked disgustedly. She turned to Red and smiled reluctantly. "You look like you could use a walk, to clear your head."

Red nodded and stood up shakily, grabbing Calico's arm for support. The crowd slowly diffused to fill the rest of the room, leaving Purple more or less alone on the couch. He stared at Red, turning slowly to follow their wobbly progress to the door. As they reached it, Red turned back and used his stage-whisper again, placing a hand to the side of his mouth in an attempt to ensure that Calico didn't hear him.

"_Hey, Pur!" _he hissed loudly, indicating Calico by pointing his thumb over his shoulder, _"I told you she wanted to do me!"_

Calico dragged him from the room. As she walked with Red, she gently reminded him of her promise at breakfast, which he was extremely enthusiastic about. However, if she was going to carry out her promise, then he would have to make one to her. He couldn't tell Purple anything about it; he had to go by the story she had made up for him. He agreed to this easily enough, and she opened the door to the throne room, pulling him inside. She looked once more at the Spectrulis. When she turned back to Red, he was looking at her expectantly.

"What?" she asked and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm still dressed, silly!" he laughed, before adding wisely, "You have to take my clothes off, or you won't be able to do anything!"

Calico stared at him in disbelief before walking towards him and undoing his breast-plate, which fell to the floor with a clatter. She tugged off his robes and pulled off his wrist cuffs, doing so with the clinical efficiency of a nurse preparing a patient for a bed-bath rather than a female undressing her mate. Eventually, only his belt remained, cinched around his non-existent waist. She fumbled with it, but he stopped her. She glanced at the laser gun for a moment, before looking back up.

"At least let me take your gun, my Tallest. I don't want you to accidentally shoot me," she said, and pulled the gun away from him. As he opened his mouth to tell her otherwise, she pressed her own mouth over it and slipped her tongue inside. Red overbalanced and they fell to the floor.

--

As they lay on the floor of the throne room, Calico turned back to Red and kissed his neck.

"Maybe I could get divorced from Purple," she whispered breathlessly.

"Tallests don't get divorced," Red replied. He had sobered up considerably in the past ten minutes, as a lot of the alcohol he had consumed had been vented through his pores, but by no means completely. "Tallests get widowed."

Calico stared at him for a second; understanding suddenly that if anyone found out about what she had just done, more than her mission was at stake. She stood up and started to dress Red. He wouldn't notice until much later than she had neglected to give him back his gun, which she had sent under the throne with a calculated kick. When she had slipped her dress back on they walked back to the ball room.

"Remember," Calico hissed before they walked in, "Don't tell Purple. We could both get into a lot of trouble for this."

"Trouble? You kidding me?" Red laughed, "I promised Pur I wouldn't touch you. If he finds out about this, he'll kill me! Or maybe, it'd kill him."

When they walked back in, Purple looked up and grinned at Red. He got up from the couch, took one step forwards and fell flat on his face. He stopped moving. As a bunch of people, including Red, ran forwards to help him, Calico doubled back, sprinting for the throne room. The second she entered it, she grabbed the gun from under the throne and went over to the cabinet that held the Spectrulis. She shot the glass once with the laser, and found that instead of shattering, the laser completely nuked it out of existence. It melted to the floor in a viscous puddle. She grabbed the priceless jewel, feeling how cold it was to her skin, before slipping it down the front of her dress. When she ran back to the throne room, Red was holding Purple up, looking vaguely embarrassed. Minas walked over.

"Erm... Males and Females, I think maybe the party's over now," he announced, and Calico hurried over to allow Purple to lean on her shoulder. She and Red walked to the teleporter and stepped back out into the Massive.

After depositing Purple in his room, Calico and Red went their separate ways. Calico called her mother on her personal communicator, showing her the Spectrulis proudly. Red sat on his bed and contemplated over the fact that whilst Purple might not actually kill him, he sure wouldn't be friends with him anymore. Purple just slept, unaware that when he woke up the next day, his whole life would be turned upside down by one call from the Emperor Minas.

What Red and Calico had done had only lasted ten minutes. But those ten minutes were enough to impact on all three of them for the rest of their lives.

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update soon.**

**Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. I own Calico, Korfilda and the Planet Aurum and all of its inhabitants. **


	8. Taken

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter Eight – Taken

After a mere thirty minutes of sleeping, Red was awoken by a breathless communications technician bursting into his room. He cracked one eye open and groaned; after what happened at the party all he wanted to do was sleep and revel in the fact that Calico did, in fact, want him, and that he had been right all along. He sat up slowly and stared at the technician expectantly.

"Well?" he said, rolling his hand on its wrist in the classic 'keep-talking' gesture.

"Sir, there's a call waiting for you. It's from the Emperor of Aurum, and he says if you don't come, then he's gonna blow Irk up!" she babbled, before adding to herself thoughtfully, "Can he even do that? Why would he want to?"

Red sighed and slid out of the bed, using his PAK communicator to demand that Flo came in to dress him right away; he didn't have time to go to her department (regardless of the fact that it would take her longer to walk to him, carrying all of his clothes). After he was dressed, he set off for the communications room, wondering distantly what Minas wanted, but not really caring. He entered the room and saw that Calico was sitting on the couch with a grave look on her face. He scowled. He didn't really want to face either her or Purple. Not just yet. He sat down next to her and looked at the screen. Minas looked apoplectic with rage and fear.

"Red," he said in a trembling voice, "I've been waiting to talk to you. You see, I need some advice."

"Sure," Red replied indifferently, "About what?"

"After the party, I went to my throne room and found that the Spectrulis; the main asset of my planet, was missing. Now, what do you think I should do?" Minas asked in a patronising tone that Red was completely oblivious to.

"Well, I'd check under the couch cushions. A lot of thing I lose end up there," Red suggested helpfully, and Minas made an odd squeaking noise, his face darkening alarmingly.

"I mean it was stolen! It was stolen, and there's evidence as to who stole it!" he half-shouted, half-gasped, "But I don't know what to do. Because the evidence shows that it was an important member of another planet's social structure; a ruler like me. So, what do you suggest?"

"Oh, that's easy," Red grinned, "Take the guy in, Minas. Who cares how important they are; if they've stolen from you, show them exactly who they've been screwing with. That's what I'd do."

"In that case," Minas said, matching Red's grin with one that was much wider and much toothier and taking out a laser gun that was sealed in a plastic bag, "Almighty Tallest Red, under the law of the Planet Aurum, I am placing you under arrest. You will be escorted to Aurum and detained until your trial. If proven guilty, you will be permanently detained in a high-security prison. You have one hour. Well, one hour in Aural time. That's about ten minutes in yours."

He cut the transmission, laughing coldly as ice spread through Red's body. He stared at the screen blankly, uncomprehendingly. A smile began to form on his lips as he realised that there was a simple explanation. He must have forgotten his gun at the party, which was why it was at the scene of the crime. All he had to do was explain that he simply been mating with the partner of his best friend and then he would be free to go. But... would he? Because if he explained that, then Purple would find out what he had done.

Whilst adultery wasn't illegal among normal Irkens, it was illegal to mate with the partner of a Tallest. There had never been two Tallests simultaneously before, so it had been agreed that charges would only be pressed if the other Tallest wanted them to be. Would Purple care about Red and Calico? Sure, Red had broken his promise, and very quickly as well, but Purple didn't actually like Calico. But then, why would he make Red promise not to touch her? If he was really angry, Purple might press charges against Red, even if he regretted it later. Red realised at that moment that he faced prison no matter whether he provided an alibi or not.

"Oh, this is bad," he muttered, leaving the room in a rush. Calico smiled slightly and placed a hand to her chest where the Spectrulis still sat, hidden.

--

The corridors flew by, but Red wasn't sure if he was actually moving. He had no idea what he was going to do. Purple's door came rushing up to meet him and he found that, rather than being stationary, he could barely stop. He whiplashed back to stand in front of it, debating whether to open it or not. Should he wake Purple up and tell him that he was going to be taken to trial? Tell him that he had mated with Calico? Purple, his best and only real friend? Purple, who wouldn't be too happy to find out that he couldn't even keep a promise for longer than a day? Purple, who was probably still drunk and sleeping it off?

No, Red decided, he would not. This whole situation was a huge mistake, and when he got to Aurum everything would be cleared up. In fact, he reasoned, Minas' guards had probably already realised that, and there would be a call soon apologising humbly for the whole affair. Why bother waking up Purple, getting him nice and angry, or worse, upset, and risking his friendship or even his life? He started along the corridor again, sparing Purple's door only one guilty glance before turning the corner. He headed to the bridge, wanting to sit and watch the stars from the best viewing station on the ship. When he entered, he saw that Calico had beaten him there.

"This is all your fault, mate-slave," he said coldly, "If you hadn't forgotten to give me my gun back, then I'd never be in this mess."

Calico was about to reply when a mechanical voice echoed out of the speakers, cutting her off.

"_An alien ship is requesting permission to dock. It registers as Aural Military. The captain has recorded this message: _If you don't give us permission, we'll blow you up, you thieving..."

"Give them permission, already," Red snapped, glaring at Calico before sweeping off to the docking centre. He couldn't believe this was happening.

The Aural guards practically stormed the Massive as the ship docked, spilling into the docking centre in an armoured flood. Even as they snapped magnetic cuffs around Red's wrists, Red found himself smirking at how short they were. He couldn't help it; it was a built in reflex now. As they were bundling him into the airlock, acting as though he were a corpse rather than an all-powerful ruler, Calico appeared at the door. She smiled sympathetically at him, clearing her throat.

"Shall I tell the Tallest Purple where you've been taken?" she asked delicately, and Red glared at her once more.

"If I'm not back when he wakes up, then yes. If I get back before then, you're not to say a word. Get it?" he growled back, and she nodded.

"Not a word. Have a safe journey, my Tallest," she said, her smile widening by the barest fraction of a millimetre. But it was enough for Red to wonder if she didn't know something about what was going on. The airlock slammed shut and he was forced through into the ship.

--

Purple woke up two hours later, cracking open his eyes and watching the room spin impressively. His head seemed too small for his skull, and his mouth tasted sour. He groaned and fell back onto his pillow, staring up at the ceiling uncomfortably. He felt something tugging at his arm and glanced at it without much interest. There was a needle sticking in it, attached to a long, flexible wire. Someone had fixed him up to a toxin pump, which explained the drained feeling, but who? Had he really been so drunk that he needed a pump to make sure he'd be sober when he woke up? The last thing he could really remember was leaning on Red's shoulder and seeing Calico rushing up to support his other side.

Could it have been Red who plugged him up to a pump, or was it a servant? Calico didn't seem like the most likely option. He doubted that she actually liked him, even though she had picked him over Red, helped to carry him and was now sitting at the end of his bed, studying him with watchful eyes. Wait. What? Purple looked up sharply to confirm that Calico was, indeed, sitting on the end of his bed. He scrambled into a sitting position, startled. Her gaze never left his.

"My Tallest," she said gravely, "I know you've only just woken up, but I've got some bad news."

"What?" Purple moaned, "What now?"

"The Tallest Red has been taken by the Aural government. They're going to put him on trial for stealing the Spectrulis; they've found his gun," she said, watching his eyes widen impressively. His mouth hung open and he stared at her.

"You're kidding me? Red wouldn't steal a stupid old rock!" he exclaimed in disbelief, "He's been set up! Why didn't you come to me earlier? When did this even happen?"

"Two hours. Well, that's about a day in Aural time. Tallest Red didn't want to worry you, sir. I suppose he thought it'd all be sorted by morning; he told me not to wake you up," she said, trying to sound comforting, though Purple barely heard her. He stood up and crossed the room, buzzing for Flo before rounding on Calico again. He didn't say anything, but the look in his eyes was enough. _He'd better be alright_, they blazed. _If anything happens to him, it'll come back to you_.

As Flo dressed Purple, Calico stayed in his room, not bothering to conceal her stare. He could have snapped at her to look somewhere else, but he didn't. He was too busy thinking; he needed a lot of concentration to think things through, and he was absorbed in his train of thought. He wasn't sure how long the Aural government waited before putting a convict to trial, so Red's judgement could already have been passed. He would have to go to the planet and back up Red in his trial, or maybe bail him out. He supposed Calico would have to come too; she had been sober for the whole party, and would probably remember what had happened better than he could.

As they stepped into the teleporter together, Purple was aware that the tension that had been in the air when Red had been with them was always a thousand times worse when he was gone. He didn't know how he would stand it if they couldn't get him out of this mess. Though, as he had already said, this had to be a mistake. Red wouldn't bother stealing a rock; why should he? He had everything he needed back on the Massive, and a jewel, though pretty, couldn't really bring him any pleasure. Purple found himself looking back to Calico as he thought this, before turning away in disgust. They stepped out of the teleporter to see a room full of guards, who looked as though they had been waiting for them.

"I take it you've come to witness your co-ruler's trial," the largest of the group said, and Purple nodded. He grinned. "You'd better hurry. It's just begun."

--

The cell that Red was provided with for his overnight stay was less than comfortable. He slept, only because there was nothing else for him to do, but he could only stay under for so long, and woke up, wondering in a mad, panicky moment where he was and why the hell he was laying on a cot when he should be in a soft, comfortable bed. Then he remembered, and got to thinking. Thinking about why he was in this mess in the first place. He wasn't so sure if it was all a mistake anymore; he had been unnerved by Calico's smile. He thought back. He hadn't seen her that much at the party, although he had been in one area only; drinking on the couch. But now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure that she had disappeared when Purple had collapsed. Could she have...? No; that was insane! And yet the more he thought about it, the saner it seemed.

Finally, after hours of musing, he was let out. The same short guards that had escorted him here came to collect him. They were, the official had announced in a monotonous whine, taking him to his trial. He'd better have a good defence, he was told, or he was going down. These words of encouragement followed him as he walked into the room, swallowing uncomfortably. If he could tell them about Calico then they would be able to look into that, and Purple hadn't been in touch. Maybe he wouldn't ever find out. Purple finding out was the last thing on Red's agenda at the moment. He walked into the room and looked around. There was a circle of government officials, with Minas in the centre, and a space for Red to stand. As he approached them, Minas stood up. He cleared his throat.

"The trial of the Irken Tallest Red is now in session," he said. At that moment, Purple burst into the room, looking breathless and annoyed. Calico followed him quietly. Red groaned aloud, feeling all of his confidence seeping out of him. Things were not looking good.

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update as soon as possible.**

**Invader Zim is the property of Jhonen Vasquez. I own Calico and the Aural Empire. **


	9. Alibi

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter 9 – Alibi

Purple and Calico took their places silently, both of them looking at Red and no one else. Red stared at the floor glumly, knowing that he was completely trapped. Immediately, a guard prodded him at the base of his neck, forcing him to look back up. He glared at him before turning back to face Minas, whose lack of height suddenly seemed a whole lot less amusing to Red. Not even slightly funny. The Emperor sat back down, setting into his chair and clearing his throat.

"Tallest Red," he began briskly, sounding as though he wanted to get this over and done with as quickly as possible, "You stand here under trial, accused of robbery and an attempted attack on the Aural Empire..."

"An attempted _what_?" Red exclaimed, and was instantly swatted by the baton of the nearest guard, which send a jolt of electricity rushing from the base of his spine to the tips of his antennas. He cried out and lapsed into silence, quivering slightly.

"As the Spectrulis is the most valuable item on this planet, its removal means that Aurum will fall from grace," Minas explained tiredly, "You don't seem to understand exactly how serious the situation is, Tallest Red. If found guilty, you will be imprisoned for life in an Aural jail."

"Why don't you just kill me instead?" Red muttered, but not quietly enough to be inaudible to Minas' sharp ears.

"Because the Aural race abandoned capital punishment long ago, so as to be a civil race of humane people. Unlike your own corrupt system of justice, Tallest Red," he said coldly, before continuing in a more business-like tone, "Our security system was shut down at 1900 hours, and close examination of your laser gun has shown that it was fired at approximately 1915 hours. The protective glass in the throne room has been shown to have been melted by a blast fitting this type of gun. The fingerprints left on the gun are your own. Therefore, unless you can provide us with a reliable alibi as to your whereabouts, you will be found guilty without question."

There was a silence as Red processed all of the information. The first thing that came to his mind was that as Calico had taken the gun off him, her fingerprints must have been on them as well. Unless... Did Eiscalians have fingerprints? Red wasn't sure, but the evidence seemed the show that they did not. He wasn't sure whether to feel relieved about not having to explain what the Princess had been doing with his gun, or angry that the case that could prove him innocent couldn't be backed up easily. Calico didn't want Purple to find out about what they had done, for the obvious reason that she would be killed if he did, so she would obviously deny the whole thing. He looked up to Purple, who had an extremely puzzled and slightly doubtful expression on his face, which suddenly changed to the grin of a person who has just had a brilliant idea.

"Scan his PAK!" Purple called out, "Minas, if you scan his PAK's memories, you'll be able to find out everything that happened at the party!"

Red gulped, feeling his spirits sink even further. He now knew that he would rather be imprisoned than found out. The way that Purple was so determined to help him was the deciding factor. He knew that if his memories of the party were played this second, the look on Purple's face would tear him apart. He looked back to Minas, praying that he wouldn't do as Purple suggested. His prayers were answered, and he relaxed slightly.

"You know as well as I do, Tallest Purple, that your PAKs can only be decoded by Irken technology. If I was to allow you to use your own technology in this trial, you could easily pervert the court of justice," Minas said patiently, before noticing the look of puzzlement on Purple's face and adding, "You could change the memories on Tallest Red's PAK in order to make him appear innocent."

"Why would we do that?" Purple exclaimed angrily, "Red _is_ innocent!"

"That is what we are here to determine," Minas said simply, and Purple fell silent, glowering moodily. Calico gently patted his arm, and he swatted her away impatiently, looking as though she had stung him. Minas continued, "Therefore, I must ask the question. Tallest Red, do you have an alibi?"

There was a longer silence than before, in which Red could hear his own heart pounding. His mouth tasted bitter, and his tongue seemed to have dried up like a plant that hasn't been watered. Even as his brain screamed for him to reconsider, he looked up and drew in a trembling breath. Purple grinned encouragingly at him, gesturing for him to go ahead. He sighed, lowering his eyes towards Minas.

"No. I don't have an alibi," he muttered in a low voice, and Minas leaned forwards, cupping a hand to his ear.

"Sorry, what was that?" he asked, and Red glared at him.

"I said NO!" he yelled, "I'M GUILTY!"

There was an outbreak of muttering, but the only noise that Red heard was Purple's horrified gasp. Red looked up at him, watching as the colour drained out of his face. Calico, he noticed, remained completely expressionless. The world split in two and wavered in front of his eyes, but he stood steadily, swallowing deeply as the guards cuffed his hands together. One of them treated him to another shock with their electric baton, though they would proclaim it to be an accident when questioned later on. The electricity righted his vision again and he stared numbly at Minas, whose face had twisted into an expression of triumph, hatred and relief.

"Then where is the Spectrulis?" Minas asked, and Red sighed.

"Search me," he said weakly, his mouth supplying the answer before his brain could think it up, "I had it thrown out of the Massive when I realised how worthless it is. Priceless items are generally just that. What else could I have done with it?"

"Worthless? You... You threw it away?" Minas asked in disbelief. His face contorted into a nightmare vision of pure rage. "TAKE HIM AWAY!" he roared, his voice seeming several hundred times too loud for his body.

"No!" Purple shouted, standing up and nearly knocking Calico out of her seat. She stood up as well, putting her arms around Purple's shoulders and trying to pull him back down. He struggled against her grip, looking as though he might burst into tears.

The guards tugged Red with such force that he toppled to the floor, landing on top of one of them and getting shocked once more by the batons. As they dragged him to his feet, Red looked up at the rest of the court. Minas was fuming, his face darkened to an alarming orange colour. The governmental officials were all glaring at Red with the same look on their faces, and Purple was staring numbly at him, his face pale and sickly, frozen into an expression of horror and disbelief. Next to him, still gently holding his arms back, was Calico.

Her face remained blank until she glanced at him. Then a slight smirk snaked onto her lips, and she slipped a hand down the front of her dress. Even as Red was being led from the room, he could see that the item she turned in her fingers was the Spectrulis. His jaw dropped and he started to struggle in the grip of the guards that held him. His shouts echoed down the corridor as he was dragged, kicking and writhing, away from the scene.

--

They threw him into the cell, pressing button to allow the barrier of the same glass that had been protecting the Spectrulis to slide back down. When he had been deposited in his new home, a fairly tall but grotesquely fat technician shuffled in, slid the glass back up and pointed a device at him, pressing a button with a swollen finger. Red felt a strange draining sensation, crumpling into a sitting position and breathing deeply. The technician waddled up to him, closed the barrier behind him and cleared his throat, speaking in a rich and almost friendly voice.

"Not to worry, Red," he said, and Red was immensely aware of the absence of his title, "Just tinkering with your PAK, is all. I've shut down most functions, apart from the life-supporting ones. You won't be able to access your mechanical legs and laser cutters, and you won't be able to use your communicators, among other things. Oh, and I'll be needing your wrist-cuffs and armour as well, if you don't mind."

Red sighed and, after an age of embarrassed struggling, finally managed to detach his breastplate and wrist-cuffs. He kicked them across the cell, and the technician, too fat to bend over and retrieve them, picked them up with a magnet. He waddled back out of the cell, squeezing sideways through the door and down the corridor, humming a bouncy tune as he went on his way. Red lay back on the uncomfortable cot and closed his eyes, moaning. He had been stitched up by Calico. He had been tricked! Red, the Almighty Tallest, tricked into a jail cell by a female slave! He turned over and screamed into his hands out of pure frustration, when a voice, simultaneously soft and rasping, spoke.

"He's alright, is Kubb," it said stoically, and Red sat up quickly, facing the cellmate that he had previously overlooked. She continued, "He'll do favours for you, if you can afford them. The name's Trix, by the way. Trix of Caloria."

As Red stared at the Calorian, he wondered how he could have possibly overlooked her before. She was huge and intimidating. Her skin was electric blue and startling as it contrasted with the bright orange tank top and shorts she was wearing. Short quills sprouted from her head, giving the impression of a Mohawk, and when she grinned at Red, her teeth were sharp and yellow. She rippled with muscles, which stretched against her clothes and made the material taught. Her abs showed clearly under the tank top, and her forearms were several times thicker than Red's waist, though that wasn't saying much. When she stood up, she was easily eight foot tall.

"Red of Irk," he replied, swallowing deeply. He would have said 'Tallest Red', but as she towered over him, he had a feeling she would laugh herself into a hernia over it. She ran a forked tongue over her razor-sharp teeth, sizing him up. She took a sudden step forwards and Red flinched backwards. She laughed harshly.

"Don't worry," she laughed, her voice suddenly friendly, "I won't rape you."

Red smiled back weakly, trying hard not to stare at her too much. If Minas had wanted to pick a cellmate to scare the living crap out of Red, he had picked well. He wasn't used to dealing with females that could mash him into silly-putty with a couple of punches. He settled back onto his bunk, his antennas pricking up at the sound of Purple's voice coming closer down the hall. He wondered how he was going to talk his way out of this one.

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update soon. **

**Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. I own Calico, Minas and Trix. **


	10. Deals

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter Ten – Deals

Though Purple's voice carried down the corridor, the irate and excitable Tallest didn't get much further than stepping into the room that they were being detained in before the guards that flanked the corridors grabbed him firmly by the arm and pulled him away, maybe not as politely as they were supposed to, considering his high social status, but certainly not with the same rough contempt that they had handled Red with. Red leapt to his feet, but he only caught one glimpse of shining purple eyes before the door closed, leaving him alone with Trix. Now that she had her welcome over and done with, it seemed she didn't have a lot to say, so they sat in silence.

Red sat back down, defeated, as Purple was dragged from the room, lying back on his cot again and closing his eyes. There wasn't a lot else that he could do, under the circumstances. After a while, Trix hoisted herself off the bunk to start pacing the cell. Red cracked an eye open and watched her. She was making him feel extremely claustrophobic, and the constant pacing was also very annoying. He considered ordering her to stop, but thought better of it. He reminded himself that he probably wasn't the first cellmate she had been left to deal with.

She sat back down eventually, the frame of the bed creaking alarmingly at her weight. The door opened again, and Trix made a grumbling noise, as though she was annoyed at being interrupted. Red glanced up, hoping it was Purple and that he would be able to explain. When he saw who it was, he sat up sharply. Calico walked over to the glass and smirked at him, her eyes shining zealously. He glared back in return, much to her amusement.

"Why are you here?" he growled, and she smiled.

"I snuck past the guards whilst they were dragging Purple off. Turns out you're not allowed visitors," she said, and Trix sat up at the sound of her voice.

"No, I meant why did you come here? Haven't you done enough?" Red hissed, but before she could even reply, Trix had leapt up from her bunk and crossed to the glass, her face twisted into an expression of pure loathing. She looked terrifying, and Calico stepped back smartly.

"You!" Trix spat, "You repulsive, twisted little bitch! Get the hell out of my cellblock, you..."

She broke off into a long string of curse words that Red had never heard before. He didn't need them to be translated to understand the message that his cellmate was trying to get across. Calico stared at her for a while, confused, but soon recognition dawned on her face, and she smirked again, though she still looked apprehensive and slightly surprised. Though she and Trix evidently knew each other, perhaps the latter had changed a lot since Calico had last seen her.

"Well, well, Princess Trixalie! Long time, no see," Calico laughed, and Trix hissed like a cat, the short quills on her head lengthening like claws.

"Five years, to be precise," she growled, "And I've spent two of them in here, because of you."

Calico simply smiled and turned back to Red, leaving him wondering how the two females knew each other, and whether Calico had been joking when she had called his cellmate a princess. She certainly didn't look like any princess he had ever seen. He looked at the thin chain that glinted around Calico's neck, his eyes following it to where it disappeared down the front of her dress. He knew what was fastened to the other end of it, and what it had cost him. He glared at her once more. Trix, or Trixalie, had not noticed this, too caught up in her outrage at Calico being in the same room as her.

"He was _mine, _you snivelling little thief, and you know it," she whispered.

"Get over yourself, Miss Muscle," Calico smirked, "Your darling little Prince was all money and no..."

"THAT WAS THE POINT!" Trix exploded, transforming into something monstrous in her rage. Her muscles rippled, her eyes flamed, the quills on her head standing up. Poison glinted on the ends of her teeth in deadly dew-drops. "We had no _money_! And he was going to _bring_ our nation _money_! And if you hadn't have _stolen_ him before he mated with me, we might have had some _money_! Do you understand? I wouldn't have had to resort to..."

She broke off and shuddered; evidently too full of regret at whatever she had done for her own Empire to repeat it. Red lay back on his bunk, tired of the argument. He no longer cared about what Calico had to say, though he was still mildly interested in the relationship that Purple's mate had with Trix. An onslaught of shouting and smirking and insults raged above his head as he lay there, half-listening, mulling over his own situation. He was trapped in the prison and hadn't even been able to tell Purple what had gone on. Yet he knew that his co-tallest wouldn't really believe that he had done it. Surely Purple would be able to get him out of this hell-hole?

Trix had turned back to her native language in her fury, a strange series of strangled hisses and throaty growls that Calico seemed to be able to understand. The Eiscalian Princess was gesturing rudely with her slender fingers, fingers that looked too elegant to be capable of forming such obscene shapes. Trix opened her mouth and roared like a lion, her jaw unhinging to show two rows of deadly, dripping teeth, sharp claws sliding out of her own fingers. Calico didn't even flinch, despite how close she was to the glass. Red, on the other hand, felt as though he might need a change of underwear soon. The guards that stood outside the room opened the door, about to run in, but Calico waved them away impatiently.

"Why don't you come over here and do that," Calico taunted, and Trix raised a powerful arm, aimed her fist at Calico's cruelly beautiful face and swung it, only for it to smack into glass. She howled, more from frustration than pain, and Calico laughed. It wasn't the tinny, affected laughter that she had spared for Red's jokes, but a strange and evil cackle that sounded oddly bird-like.

"Oh wait," she giggled, "I forgot. You can't!

"You wouldn't be so cocky if you were in here with me, you worthless coward!" Trix screamed.

"Ugh, you're so _stupid_," the Eiscalian laughed, "Listen honey, if I'm ever stupid enough to get into a cell with you, I'll _let_ you hit me!"

Red thought that the snarling Calorian he was locked in with would roar again, or smash something up, and he half hoped that the guards would come in and sedate her or something, but instead Trixalie simply sat back down on her bunk, breathing heavily through her nose. Her eyes still flamed as she glared at Calico, but she didn't attempt to take up the worthless fight any longer.

"I'll hold you to it," she said in a low voice, and Calico smiled smugly, before blowing a kiss to Red and slinking out of the room. Trix punched the wall in frustration then, and Red sighed, turning away from the scene with a racing heart. He hoped he never got on his cellmate's bad side in the time that he was here.

--

Purple was still protesting with the gaoler when Calico came back, unnoticed, to the front desk, satisfied now that she had seen who Red was detained with. This gave her a chance to carry out the plan without him interfering. She had already heard about a certain technician by the name of Kubb, who was always happy to do a favour if you gave him the right price. Calico thought she knew _exactly_ what that price would be, but still, she needed to find him before they left, because she had a very important favour to ask. She made her way through the grimly decorated halls, asking for directions every so often, until she came to a nondescript door, tucked away at the end of a dimly-lit corridor.

She knocked on it gently, and heard a gravelly, yet welcoming voice, invite her in. She opened the door and slipped inside. The room was a lot larger than the door suggested, but the whole place was crammed full of gadgets and gizmos that there was barely space to move inside. Several rows of worktops stood in it, the surfaces covered with all manner of claptrap and odds and ends. A glowing orb hovered above each bench, illuminating the room. She wound her way round the tables and benches and cleared her throat.

"Hello? Mr Kubb?" Calico called and a large figure came out from behind a cupboard door. Though the technician's face was hidden by the pile of spare parts that he was carrying, she could see that he was amazingly fat. He waddled over to the bench and deposited the parts, staring at Calico with beady black eyes.

"Hello," he said, fairly indifferently, "What can I do for you, miss?

"I've heard that depends on what I can do for you," she replied silkily, coming up behind him and draping her arms around his shoulders. He picked up a screwdriver and started to take an odd metal box apart, apparently heedless to what she was doing. Slightly put out, she stepped backwards and tried a different approach.

"I have a favour to ask," she said, "I was wondering if you could set up a camera that sends a direct feed to this communicator."

He glanced at the device that she held out and snorted. "Easy," he said, shrugging, before turning back to the jumble of wires on the desk and selecting a large blue one.

"And maybe you could put it in the cell of Tallest Red? I'd make it worth your while," she said delicately. She sat in the enormous chair that was in one corner, spreading her legs and allowing her tongue to creep into the corner of her mouth. He glanced up from his work and raised an eyebrow.

"Whoa now," he said in an amused voice, "Back up there, sister. Listen, sweetheart, I don't want to sound rude, but I'm not interested. So why don't you close your mouth, close your legs and get on up out of my chair? We can talk about this under less personal terms."

She stood up, snubbed, her cheeks flushed and her eyes narrowed. He looked at her, and the pity she saw in his twinkling black eyes only enraged her further. She crossed the room towards him, and he looked into her pinched, irritated face. As he had suspected, when Calico's true colours showed, she was a lot less pretty than she, or anyone else, thought she was. He didn't much care for this female, and thought that he would only be interested in getting her out of her clothes was if she told him there was a pizza hidden down the front of her dress.

"And what _are_ you interested in, Mr Kubb?" she asked coldly. He treated her to a warm and charming smile.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you that the way to a male's heart is through his stomach?" he grinned, patting his huge, jiggling belly. Her face, mildly disgusted, seemed to amuse him all the more. "I hear the snacks on the Massive are the best in the universe. If you can divert a load to me every Aural month, I'll get your Tallest to dance the tango with that charming cellmate of his."

"The camera will be quite enough," Calico said dryly, and he enveloped her slender hand in his chubby fingers and shook enthusiastically.

--

By the time she got to the front desk, Purple was in an extremely bad mood. He had been told to go away by someone shorter than him, of a different (and therefore lesser) species than him, and of a lesser social rank than him. He couldn't go and see Red and ask him what the hell he thought he was doing, getting himself locked away. And he couldn't even leave for the Massive, because apparently that stupid Eiscalian mate-slave had wandered off on her own. He was complaining about all of this to nobody in particular, and though the few service drones that had come with them were attempting to console him, he didn't seem to be listening to them. His voice, high and whining, cut through Calico like a knife. She forced a smile and walked over.

"Are we going back to the Massive now, my Tallest?" she asked humbly and he let out a frustrated groan, deciding to ignore her as well.

"Back to the Massive," he said to a service drone, who nodded and led them back to the teleporters.

Even when they were finally back at the Massive, Purple didn't relax. He didn't know what to do; and zipped back and forth in the bridge on his hover belt, gibbering away to himself as he always did when he was in a panic. Eventually, a brave drone came forwards and cleared her throat, attempting to speak over him. Surprisingly, he stopped still at her voice and listened, and Calico considered that he wasn't very good at thinking for himself; more content to be told exactly what to do when it came to ruling the Empire.

"Sir!" the drone said clearly, "I have received a message from the control brains. You need to make a public announcement, explaining what has happened to the former Tallest Red."

"Public... F-Former? He's not coming back?" Purple asked and he sat down on the couch, looking pale and confused. "What am I going to say?" he moaned to himself, and he paused, seemingly waiting for Red to answer him. His face fell when he was met with silence.

Calico turned and left the room, going off to her quarters and looking around the Massive with distaste. She didn't like the ship, and thought that when she cracked Purple, she would get him to move back to Irk. She knew from her Universal Geography lessons as a hatchling that there was a fabulous palace on Irk that was built for the first ever Tallest, several thousand years ago. When the Massive was built for Miyuki, the palace fell out of use. She thought that the palace would be perfect for her to live in, unlike this horrible spaceship. There was a small parcel on her bed when she came to her room, and she unwrapped it, smiling. Kubb had sent her the communicator already, and had recorded a message on it for her.

"Hello there, Miss Calico," he said with a smile, "Just to remind you about your deal. I'll keep the camera in Red's cell for just as long as the snacks last me. Take care now."

--

There was a bar on the Massive that was used when the Tallest had important guests to entertain. It was a large room, with a height restriction for Irkens; you had to be a Tall, a Taller or a Tallest to enter. There were plenty of comfortable reclining seats, snacks, and a large communications screen so that the patrons of the bar could watch their favourite shows. The bar itself served a variety of different flavoured sodas for the Tallest and their guests, but it did serve the harder stuff as well; the Irken equivalents to vodka, whiskey, beers and cocktails.

Though the bar was usually full of people, drinking and chatting and gambling, it was completely empty now, apart from one Irken, who sat alone on a barstool, holding a glass in his spindly fingers. Purple sighed as he stared into his drink. The announcement had not gone well; he had been unsure of what to say, and though he had tried to keep his cool, collected leader's image on, he had a feeling that he had sounded nervous. The problem was that was exactly how he felt. When he had gone for the measuring ceremony after Spork's demise, he had thought that he had a pretty good deal. Having another Irken to share the power with simply meant that he didn't have to do as much work, and he had left the more academic side of ruling to Red.

Now that Red was gone, he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He was by no means stupid, but he hadn't done any proper thinking in so long that he was a little out of practise. This wasn't even the real reason that he was feeling this way before, though; he was sure that he could get a Taller to be his advisor or something. Now that Red was in prison, he felt as though he had been abandoned. Suddenly the Massive seemed a very lonely place to be. Irkens were, as a whole, a fairly unfeeling race, and it was extremely rare to see friendships forged between them. He and Red had been together since they were smeets, completing their training together, joining the elite together, becoming Tallest together. They had, over the course of their lives, become friends. The only two Irkens that Purple could think of who were closer than they were would be the male service drones in the Wardrobe Department.

So now he sat in the bar, downing various drinks without talking to the bartender and sighing to himself. Half an hour had passed by the time that Calico came and sat down next to him, unnoticed.

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update soon.**

**Invader Zim is the property of Jhonen Vasquez. I own Calico, Trix and Kubb. **


	11. Hungry

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter Eleven - Hungry

Calico sat on the stool next to Purple and watched him silently for what seemed like hours. At first, even the bartender didn't notice her, and said nothing to acknowledge her presence even when he did. Purple, too caught up with his own thoughts to consider anything else, didn't see her at all. He rested his head in his hands and massaged his temples with his long, spindly fingers, sighing every so often. Calico touched his arm lightly and cleared her throat, causing him to jump with surprise and knock his glass flying. She caught it in the nick of time, managing to keep most of the liquid in the glass as she did so.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you, my Tallest," she said, holding the glass out to Purple, who looked at it but didn't take it. She placed it back on the bar in front of him as the bartender set about mopping up the spilt drink.

"What are you doing here?" Purple asked, eyeing her mistrustfully.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay," she replied, and his eyes narrowed slightly. As he looked at her, his fingers curled into a loose ball on the bar.

"Why would you care, mate-slave?" he asked in a voice that, though feigning strength and indifference, sounded as though it would crack under the strain of doing so.

Calico reached across the counter of the bar and gently took Purple's hand, curling her cold fingers loosely around his, just as he had done to hers during the bonding 'ceremony'. He stared at their hands for a while, before turning to look at her face with questioning eyes. Her fingers traced lightly over his, leaving a ghostly tingling feeling on his skin. She offered him a small smile, and though he didn't return it, she grinned broader still as she spoke.

"Because I'm your mate. I'm your partner and I'm supposed to care," she replied, and he rolled his eyes. She continued in a softer tone, "I can tell you're not okay. Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I could make you feel better."

There was a short pause, in which Purple pulled his hand away from Calico's. He stared ahead, obviously thinking hard about what to say and what to do. He wrung his hands together, staring into the half-empty glass that still sat in front of him. His long tongue flicked across his lips and his antennas twitched nervously. Eventually he let out a pent-up breath in a long sigh and turned back to Calico, beaten. Beaten by whom was a different matter altogether.

"Why did you pick me? I know you liked Red better," he asked dully, before adding, "You do know I don't like you, right?"

"I know," Calico said sadly, lowering her eyes, "But I can still like you, right?"

"I... guess so," he replied uncertainly, an eyebrow raised. She looked back up with a brilliant smile.

"That's good. Because I _do_ like you, my Tallest," she said coyly, edging closer to Purple, who was looking increasingly uncomfortable and unsure of what to do with himself. She took his hand again and squeezed it gently, continuing in a voice that was close to a whisper, "If you ever need me, you know where I am."

She kissed his cheek, stood up and left without another word. Purple span round on the stool to watch her leave, his hand pressed up against the spot where she had kissed him, his eyes wide. The bartender smiled when he turned back around, but Purple didn't notice. It wasn't how he had expected it to be, he thought to himself as he span back and forth on his stool. He wasn't sure he had really liked it, but it hadn't been unpleasant. He wished Red was with him then, just so he could tell him that he'd had his first kiss.

He shook himself. Not only was Red not coming back, he had already decided a long time ago that he didn't want to spend time with Calico. He wasn't sure what had happened, or why he had lapsed the rule. Perhaps it was because he missed Red, or because he had had a lot to drink, but she had seemed a lot... friendlier? Nicer? Purple wasn't sure. But he did know that it wasn't going to happen again. He needed to try and get Red back, and the last thing he needed was some stupid female poking her nose in where it wasn't concerned.

--

Trix settled more comfortably on her bunk, glancing occasionally at Red without much interest. She had been so angry to see Calico that she hadn't wondered why she was there at the time, but now that she was thinking straight again, she realised that the Irken that was now her cellmate evidently knew the Eiscalian princess. She stuck out her lower lip and blew the quills on her head out of her eyes. They only stood up if she was angry or excited; it gave her a more intimidating appearance, but when she was resting they flopped over to one side like reeds. This guy probably _knew_ Calico, and she didn't like that. She hated any guy that had slept with Calico on principle.

Red rolled his eyes over to Trix, watching her watching him. He was incredibly bored; though he was used to sitting around and doing nothing, he usually had someone to talk to, or order around, or some snacks to eat. He was starving now, actually, but he was more interested in his cellmate. Was she really, as Calico had said, a princess? After a while, he cleared his throat and attempted conversation.

"So, you know Calico too, huh?" he asked. Trix stared at him incredulously, an eyebrow raised. There was a long silence before he tried again with, "You're a princess, then?"

Trix sighed and turned over to face the wall, maintaining her silence in a way that was almost infuriating. However, thinking that it would be unwise to be infuriated with her, Red held his tongue. He tried to get comfortable on the hard bunk that he was lying on. All he had was a cushion to put his head on; there wasn't even a blanket. Eventually he gave up, sitting on the edge of the bunk instead. He tapped his fingers together then sighed.

"Sucks around here, huh?" he noted, and suddenly Trix had leapt up from her bunk and grabbed him by the neck, hoisting him off the ground so that his eyes were level with hers. He gagged, scrabbling ineffectually at her hands in a desperate attempt to get her to loosen her grip. She didn't.

"You wanna know how much it sucks around here?" she asked in a deadly whisper, "Sometimes it sucks so badly that, just as you've finally got a place where you can just sit on your own and think your own thoughts, they chuck some irritating little Irken who doesn't know when to shut up in with you, quickly followed by a visit from the single most evil female this side of Satania. Sound rough to you?"

"Yeah... that sounds pretty rough," Red rasped, his face steadily turning an ugly mottled green as he choked.

She threw him back onto the bunk with a grunt and settled back on her own bunk as though nothing had happened. Red sat up, gasping huge breaths and rubbing his bruised neck tenderly. At that moment the door slid open and a burly guard walked in. Red sighed in relief, thinking that he had seen what Trix had done and was moving him to a new cell, but when he spoke, his hopes were simultaneously dashed and replaced.

"Dinner," the guard said in a guttural voice, and Red grinned. Trix raised an eyebrow.

"You mean we're not going to the dining hall?" she said, and the guard shook his head.

"The Irken's a new convict. You're supposed to eat here with him tonight, so we can make sure you're not gonna kill him as well, you murdering scum," he growled. Red blanched, but tried to keep a brave face.

"Well, I'm starving. I'll have a large plate of nachos, extra cheese," he said. Both Trix and the guard stared at him.

"Of course, your highness," the guard said, barely able to keep the smug smile from his face. He backed out of the room, making elaborate bowing gestures as he did so. Red sat back, satisfied, anticipating his meal.

--

Calico hadn't been invited to eat with Purple tonight, which she was relieved about. When she spent too much time 'in-character' around him, she began to feel like an idiot. She wasn't even sure that there was any point in pretending to like him when he obviously didn't care about her. However, her pride and vanity ruled the situation; _nobody_ turned her down, _nobody_ was too good for her. She was going to _make_ him love her, no matter how hard it was.

At the moment she was sitting on her own in the room that Red and Purple had eaten breakfast in, staring at the transmission screen wistfully. Her mother would probably be eating right now, back in the comfortable palace on Eiscalia. As she watched the empty screen, she saw the dining room in her mind; the table decked with delicious hot, steaming soup, tender meat, crisp vegetables and sumptuous cakes. She was waiting for the service drones to bring her meal in, imagining the heavenly Eiscalian dishes. Her stomach growled loudly in the empty room. She hadn't eaten since the mouthful of doughnut she had suffered at breakfast.

Finally the service drone scurried in, holding a rattling silver tray. He raised himself up on mechanical legs to reach the table, placing it in front of her humbly. The servants on the Massive didn't know how to act around Calico. She was married to the Tallest, and yet he called her a slave. Was she their equal, or their mistress? She acted like the latter, but in truth she wasn't sure of her position either. She looked down at the meal she had been brought and her stomach turned. There was a plate of nachos, dripping hot cheese, served with a portion of fries on which grease glistened queasily. Next to this were several churros, glazed with sticky sugar. The drone placed a cardboard cup of soda next to it, slotting the straw into the lid for her. She stared at the tray in nauseous horror before turning to face the drone.

"Is something wrong with your meal, Miss Calico?" the drone asked mildly, and she sighed.

"I... I'm not hungry," she said, standing up. Her stomach gurgled loudly again, and her cheeks flushed. She left the room quickly, fleeing to her quarters where she threw herself onto her bed tearfully. Kubb was completely wrong, she thought to herself, the food from the Massive was _not_ the best in the Universe. In fact, she doubted there could be anything less appetising to eat.

--

Twenty minutes after he had left, the guard returned to Red's cell with a wooden tray containing two bowls and two spoons. Red sat up quickly, sniffing the air for the nachos he had been promised. His mouth was watering just thinking about it. He glanced at Trix as he did so, who remained as stoic about the prospect of food as she did about everything else. The sheet of reinforced glass rose slowly to allow the guard in, and he shuffled over to Trix first, unceremoniously handing her a bowl and a spoon.

"For the pretty princess," he smirked, but still no emotion showed on the Calorian's face. She seemed to have heard it all before. He turned to Red, smirking. "And for the mighty Irken Tallest."

Red began to smile smugly, before the bowl was shoved into his lap. He stared into it, his lip curling. Before him was a bowl of slop; some sort of weird, semi-transparent, gloopy substance that was beginning to congeal. He looked up at the guard, who had an evil leer on his face.

"This is..." Red began, and the guard's leer spread further, splitting his face.

"One plate of nachos," he said, before hocking back and spitting a lump of yellowy phlegm into the bowl. He grinned and added a contemptuous, "Extra cheese."

He threw back his head and began to cackle. He left the cell and slammed the heavy door behind him, and the sound of his laughter echoed back down the corridor as he walked away. Red sat on the bunk, staring into the bowl with mortified horror. Across the cell, Trix ate her own meal noisily, shovelling the thick, gelatinous substance into her mouth roughly, as though she daren't let it touch her tongue for too long.

She watched him as she ate, feeling a pang of pity eclipse the amusement she had felt when she had first observed the scene. Red sat there, his antennas drooping, his eyes half-lidded as he tried to pick around the phlegm with his spoon. Though he managed a couple of mouthfuls he eventually gave up and dropped the bowl on the floor, laying down and closing his eyes. When Trix finished eating, the only sound that could be heard was Red's stomach, growling hungrily as they sat in silence and tried to ignore it.

--

Putting the kiss out of his mind had proven to be more difficult that Purple had originally imagined. The incident kept replaying in his head, but when he tried to think of something else, the only topics that came to mind were the absence of Red or how worried about messing up he now was. He lay supine on the couch, shovelling snacks into his mouth without tasting them in a failing attempt to fill the void and pass the time. Every time a service drone came into the room he jumped, terrified that they would bring with them news of some reporter who wanted an interview, or of some event he had to take part in.

_Red would have known what to do_, he thought. The last time he had properly spent with Red was back at Minas' party, when Red had been making out with that server. _Red wouldn't think twice about it if Calico had kissed_ him, his mind added. He considered this. It was true; Red had seen Calico as nothing more than another dispensable slave, and would have exploited her in every way he could think of. In fact, when Purple thought about it that way, he couldn't see why he wasn't doing that now. After all, what else would the princess be doing? Sitting around, taking up space, eating all of his snacks and not giving anything back. Well, he'd put an end to _that_, and hopefully these annoying thoughts about her kissing him as well.

"You!" he said, pointing at a random drone. The short, green eyed male stood to attention with a speed that was quite comical, "Fetch the mate-slave. Bring her here, get her to do stuff. Tell her that her break's over, and she's got to start whim-obeying now."

"Of course, my Tallest," the drone said humbly, bowing out of the room. Five minutes later he reappeared, Calico in tow.

"You called, my Tallest?" she said.

"I'm hungry, mate-slave," Purple declared, and there was a short silence in which Calico looked questioningly at the drones, each holding a different tray of snacks. He caught her gaze, but said nothing.

"You have plenty of snacks, my Tallest," Calico pursued eventually, and Purple smirked. When his face changed like that, his eyes almost swapped to red.

"Oh I know there's food, mate-slave. But it's all the way over there," he said, gesturing the short distance between his head and the tray, "and I'm all the way over here. Of course, I could pick it up and put it in my mouth myself, but as a Tallest I have much more important things to think about."

"For example?" Calico asked in a choked voice, and Purple clicked his fingers. Instantly a squadron of drones started up a puppet show on the end of the couch. He grinned at her, and she smiled back, though she was biting her tongue hard enough to draw blood.

Purple settled back to watch his puppets, opening his mouth occasionally as an indication that it needed filling with something. Funny how Calico had been so friendly earlier, but now that he was taking her up on her offer she was distant and cold. After all, she had said that she wanted to make him feel better. _Perhaps she was hoping you'd make _her_ feel better too. She said she liked you, and you're treating her like scum_, a small voice at the back of his head piped up. He waved the comment aside mentally and opened his mouth for another snack. He was hungry, not lonely, and as a Tallest the last thing he needed to develop was a conscience.

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update soon. **

**Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. I own Calico and Trix.**


	12. Tactics

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter Twelve – Tactics

Two days had passed in the dark and miserable prison on Aurum. Red was out of his mind with boredom, and insanely hungry to boot. Though the guard had not spat in his meals since the first time, that didn't make them any less appetising, and he could usually only stomach a few mouthfuls of the lukewarm slop before gagging and pushing his bowl away. Trix had spoken perhaps five words to him during these days, spending them in moody silences in which she did push-ups, sit-ups and pull ups, paced the cell or simply lay on the bunk and brooded. Red, on the other hand, had barely moved at all.

Despite this, he was the first one to look up when the door opened unexpectedly that day. The squat, irritating guard walked in, his face contorted into the same smirk that he had been wearing when he had spat in Red's bowl. Many uneven, discoloured teeth jutted through the smirk, looking like weathered tombstones sprouting from his gums. He trundled up to the glass and rapped on it sharply to get Trix's attention. She looked up slowly, rolling her eyes.

"You two, outside. Now," he grinned. Trix leapt up, and Red would have almost thought she was enthusiastic had she shown any expression on her face.

"Why? What are we doing?" Red asked, but he was ignored. He sighed. He had been ignored a lot over the past few days.

They walked in single file through the dingy, poorly lit corridors until they reached a shabby, though strong-looking door. The gaoler opened it deliberately and Trix walked through it at once. Red remained behind, staring through at the cold, concreted courtyard until he was 'helped' through the door with a sharp shock from the gaoler's electro-baton. Stumbling down the icy steps, he looked around properly. The courtyard was full of the other prisoners, all wearing the same orange uniform as Trix. He had been fitted for a uniform himself, but it hadn't arrived yet. Due to the electronic corset that Tallests wore, his uniform would have to be specially made to fit the tiny waist measurement. He was still wearing his Tallest attire, and right now was finding the robes a huge embarrassment.

There were convicts of all shapes and sizes; some short, others lanky, some huge and muscular. They came in a wide spectrum of skin colours, and there were several that were coated in thick pelts of vibrant fur. Whilst Trix's bulging muscles and vivid blue skin made her seem impossible to miss in the confines of the cell, she blended perfectly into this crowd of alien criminals. Red walked up to them with mounting apprehension. Most of them were flexing their powerful muscles and stretching. When Red approached, dressed in his Irken armour and flowing robes, everything stopped. Then the jeering began.

"Lookit the new convict!"

"Puny little scrap of an Irken, ain't he?"

"No, no, Jork. He's the most powerful Irken in the universe. The _almighty_ Tallest!"

"So nice of you to drop by, your majesty! _Love_ the robes!"

Laughter and catcalls broke out, echoing around the stark courtyard and picking up fresh voices as it did so. Red held his head up high, his cheeks flaming as he picked his way around to the back of the crowd. His eyes scanned the mass of jeering faces and suddenly fell upon Trix. She wasn't shouting along with the others, and she wasn't laughing. She appeared mildly irritated at all of the shouting, but just about everything seemed to irritate her, so he couldn't draw anything from that. Her eyes locked with his and narrowed sharply, warning him to look away.

All jeers stopped together at the sound of heavy footsteps clunking into the courtyard. A tall Aural male made his stately way down the concrete steps to stand in front of the crowd. His arms and legs were not overly muscular, but seemed strong enough. Though he didn't know who this latest stranger was, Red knew enough from the other prisoners' reaction to treat him with a little respect. He cleared his throat with a noise that sounded like gravel chips in a blender.

"Right, you miserable scum," he said in a low voice, "Last week was pathetic. We've got some new meat in here somewhere, and the Princess Trixalie has decided to grace us with her presence once more..."

"I had to stay with the new convict!" Trix protested, and more catcalls started up, which were silenced by the combined hiss of anger from Trix and the sharp blast of the whistle the Aural male was holding.

"_Shut up!_" the male growled. Though he had barely raised his voice, the effect was immediate, and silence filled the courtyard. "Any more sass from you, Trixalie, and you'll be taking your meals through a straw. Understand? Right. I want you to finish the course in less than six minutes. Anyone who fails to finish in this time will stay behind and do pull-ups till your arms stick like that. Any questions?"

There was complete silence among the convicts. Though bursting with questions, Red kept his mouth shut. The Aural male stared at them for a second before blowing his whistle. The crowd turned as one to face Red and charged like a platoon. He remained rooted to the spot in horror, wondering if this was some strange, prisoner's version of hazing. However, when they reached him, they simply charged past him, forcing him out of the way as they sprinted through a narrow gate behind Red. After a second, he ran after them, wondering what was going on.

As he went through the gate, all of the strength was sucked out of him. Stretched out before him like the pathway to hell was an assault course that seemed to carry on for miles. The first test was a huge wall that the rest of the convicts were scaling like huge, muscular bugs. Even before he reached it, Red knew the footholds were tiny and the wall was at least ten feet tall. Still, desperate to prove himself, he ran forwards, launched himself up and began.

--

The time difference was varied depending on where the ship was, and at the moment two days in Aural time was a whole week back on the Massive. For Calico, it had been the worst week of her life. Purple seemed to have decided that every second that she wasn't doing some pointless and demeaning task was a second wasted. She had spent her time feeding him snacks, fanning him despite the fact that he could simply have the air conditioner turned down and, bizarrely, massaging conditioning lotion into his skin whilst he bathed. This was made bizarre because he refused to let her look at him whilst he was naked (possible remembering the snide comments she had made when he and Red were being dressed), so she had to avert her eyes, which made the task very difficult.

Though he seemed to spend most of his time relaxing, Calico had come to realise that Purple was far from chilled out. He was incredibly tense, something that no amount of massages, baths and hours spent reclining on the couch seemed to be able to fix. It was a sorry day for any service drone that was appointed the task of bringing him instructions; even the smallest duty that he had to carry out was treated like a test of every fibre of his being. Purple froze up when approving laws; he trembled at the idea of opening public services and as for speeches... well. The control brains were seriously considering appointing a new, more competent Tallest, a fact that Purple knew well. It did nothing to help his nerves.

Calico understood why this was happening, and she intended to use this weakness to her advantage, and hopefully as soon as possible. She hated her present lifestyle, right down to the 'uniform' that Purple had insisted that she wore. This had been on the second day of her new duties. She had been called to the Wardrobe Department, which had meant little to her at the time. As soon as she had walked inside and seen the reluctant, pitying expressions that the wardrobe drones were wearing, coupled with the self-satisfied smirk on Purple's face, she had known that things did not bode well for her.

As Gem, the taller of the three drones, had measured her for the new clothes, she had listened to Purple having an animated conversation with Helio and Flo, discussing colours and styles, watched him shaking his head and demanding that it was shorter, lower, more demeaning. They had continued to show him samples until he had become confused and simply left them to it, telling them to buzz him when they were done. Even when they were alone with her, the threesome Calico had grown rather fond of didn't speak. They seemed to be ashamed of what they were doing. Finally, they finished work and buzzed Purple.

"It says 'Use me, I'm an object' whilst at the same time retaining that oh, so important air of class," Helio had explained to Purple as he watched Calico revolving grudgingly on the spot with his glossy, violet eyes.

Calico, on the other hand, had looked down at her clothes and sighed. She was wearing a deep blue bikini top and a matching blue skirt that flowed to the ground, but only covered one leg. The other leg was exposed from the mid-thigh downwards, and it was at times like this that Calico was glad that she came from Eiscalia. If she had not, she would have been extremely chilly in her new attire. She had turned back to the conversation between Purple and Helio, throwing a glance of despair to Gem, who averted his green-blue eyes.

"...as you can see, I made a few alterations to the skirt so that it's more fitted. I also changed the fastenings on her top, so it's very easy to remove," Helio finished with a wide grin and a quick jiggle of his non-existent eyebrows. Flo had shot him an irritated glance; Helio was incredibly self-centred and a total suck-up to the Tallest, and both she and Gem often despaired over it.

"Excellent," Purple had said, attempting a leer, though his tone was uncertain and rather reluctant. However, when he had turned to Calico and started on some imperious spiel about duties and uniforms, his features relaxed and he seemed to remember how much power he still had.

The uniform was, apparently, a traditional dress code that all of the mate-slaves had to follow. Knowing well that she was the only mate-slave on the Massive, Calico had acknowledged this information with gritted teeth and stalked out of the Wardrobes to her room, though she was aware that she might only have two minutes in there at the most before she was called on once more. It hadn't mattered to her at that moment; she had simply wanted to get away from the wall-sized mirrors that reflected her new clothes back at her from all angles.

Now, several days later, she knelt by Purple's head as he lay on his couch, stroking his antennae with her long, slender fingers and feeling the way they stiffened and relaxed in a pulsing cycle under her touch. Purple had his eyes half closed, completely ignoring her presence and that of anyone else in the room. He didn't look into Calico's face; if he had he would have seen that it was contracted into an expression of pure contempt, however gentle her fingers might be. At that moment, a service drone came into the room.

"My Tallest," he began reluctantly, knowing that Purple would not take this news well, "You need to choose a new destination for the Massive. There are no useful planets to take over in this quadrant."

Calico withdrew her hand as every muscle in Purple's body tensed up. He sprang up to his full height, towering impressively above the drone, who shrank backwards humbly. In doing so, he knocked down several table-headed service drones, spilling sticky drinks and various snacks over the floor in a sugar-coated slurry. He pointed an accusing finger at the cowering drone, his eyes narrowed and glinting.

"Why is it always _me_?" he erupted, "Can't you see I'm trying to _relax_ at the moment?!"

Sprayed with spittle and shaking with fear, the drone attempted to speak again, though it came out as a nervous squeak. "S-Sir, I understand that, but the control brains have ordered that you do this."

Remembering that the control brains could have him shut down like a crashed computer, Purple sank back down onto the couch, his antennae flicking irritably as they always did when he was forced to make a decision these days. His brow was furrowed and his eyes screwed up with intense concentration. The entire room, no, the entire _ship_ was silent; each and every drone held their tongue to ensure they didn't interrupt his train of thought. Despite this engulfing silence, Calico thought that there was a noise that could be heard if you listened very closely; a sputtering, whirring noise as Purple's mind agonised over the relatively simple problem.

Eventually he stood up and pressed a button on the wall. A holographic map of the universe appeared in the middle of the room, with the Massive's location marked on clearly. He studied it closely, the pressure of the decision showing in his eyes. After an age of tense silence, he pointed to a small planet close to the Massive. He was instantly surrounded by drones, staring along the line of his finger at the point he had chosen.

"What planet is that?" he asked, and voices rang out from every drone, desperate to get into the Tallest's good books. Purple winced at the outburst of noise, and the silence returned at once. Calico crossed the room and studied the map with mild interest creasing her features.

"Sir," a single voice piped up, "That is the planet Gorno, which is the home of a hostile and war-like race. You would do well to conquer them; if we spend too long near them without action, they may decide to attack us."

"Then _that_ is the planet we will take over," Purple said with no little amount of pride, and relief, in his voice.

"No," Calico said in a low voice, and suddenly all eyes were on her. The atmosphere was now tense enough to bounce a penny off.

"What?" Purple asked in a deadly whisper, and Calico's squeezed her eyes shut for a few seconds to clear the white spots that had sprung up in front of them. Her head span, probably from a mixture of intense hunger and tiredness. The last time she had eaten had been about two days ago, when she had managed to stomach two nachos. She thought that she probably shouldn't be running around after Purple when she was this hungry, but here she was, nonetheless. She opened her eyes, cleared her throat and continued.

"You shouldn't attack that planet, my Tallest, not yet at least. You see, when I first arrived here, the leader of _this_ planet told my mother he was planning to attack Gorno," she said, indicating a larger planet that was just west of the one Purple had selected, "If you attack them instead, their military will be in Gorno and they will be virtually defenceless. Then, when you attack Gorno, their own military will have been significantly weakened by the Yuppian army."

There was a long silence, in which Purple studied the map with wide eyes, as though he was searching for something that confirmed what Calico had just said. He returned to the couch, this new wealth of information slowly processing in his mixed-up brain. When things eventually began to make sense, he nodded and stood up again, his eyes sweeping the room for the original messenger drone.

"We shall conquer first Yuppy, then Gorno," he announced, and the drone scurried off, relieved. He turned his gaze to Calico, and his face hardened. "If this doesn't work, I'll see to it that we destroy your planet as well, alliance or no alliance. Understand, mate-slave?"

"Certainly, my Tallest," she said simply. She knew that it would work; she had not come up with the tactics on her own, they were the ones that her mother had decided upon shortly after the head of Yuppy had confided in her. The Eiscalian Empire had been, before the alliance with Irk, the second largest in the universe, and it was mostly down to Korfilda's reasoning.

Purple left the room, his shoulders sinking in relief. He was pretty sure that the mate-slave's tactics would work for them, and was all too happy to use them. It was better than coming up with his own, at any rate. At least this way, if things went wrong, he could blame Calico, and if they turned out perfectly, the control brains wouldn't replace him. He sighed, glancing out at the ever shrinking view of Aurum, where somewhere Red was confined in a cell, most likely being tormented by the other convicts at this very moment.

"Probably having a more relaxing time than me, though," he muttered bitterly, before heading off to the bridge in the hopes of finding somewhere quiet to sit and snack.

**AN**

**Please review and I shall update soon.**

**Invader Zim is the property of Jhonen Vasquez. I own Calico, Trix and Korfilda. **


	13. Prison

Over the Hills and Far Away

Chapter Thirteen - Prison

Red reached the wall and leapt up, grabbing onto the first of the footholds and pulling himself up. Even with his height and gangly limbs, it was still a stretch to reach the next hold, and by the time he reached the top, his arms felt like they were on fire. Now that he was there, he saw a set of monkey bars that he had to cross from in order to reach the pole and slide back down to the ground. He swallowed deeply and grabbed the first one, glancing down at the dizzying drop below him and groaning. The other convicts jeered over their shoulders as they sprinted to the next task without him.

He grabbed on with his other hand and swung over the edge uncertainly, dangling in the air uncertainly like an overgrown piñata. At first he simply hung there, unable to move, but eventually he managed to grab onto the next rung, then the next one. Soon he had built up a rhythm, though by the time he had reached the pole and slid down to the earth, he was shaking from vertigo and exhaustion. It had been so long since his training for the Irken Elite, and he had spent a lot of that time lazing around being waited upon.

Still, he ran on, the rest of the course stretched out in front of him. Now there was a net that he had to crawl under, and he dropped to his knees, struggling through it, getting cocooned in the middle and having to spend some time untangling himself before finally breaking out at the other side. Despite this he was still catching up with the rest of the group, who didn't run their fastest between challenges in order to conserve their energy. There were hurdles that he had to jump over, which he did with ease; the gangly build of a Tallest had its advantages and his long legs carried him over the hurdles with no trouble at all.

He reached the tail end of the crowd as he came to the next challenge; a maze that they needed to navigate their way through quickly. He slipped into the entrance of it, trying not to trip over the tentacles of the convict in front of him. As soon as he turned the first corner of the maze he realised that it would not be as easy to get through as he had thought; the walls were constantly moving and changing the direction of the route.

He rushed blindly around the corners, getting nowhere at all, until he blundered straight into a blue, muscular arm. The convict turned sharply to look at him, and he recognised them at once as Trix. She was simply standing still, staring at a dead end. Her eyebrows rose in surprise as she recognised Red; she had not expected _him_ to catch up with her so quickly! But she saw how exhausted he was so early on in the course and knew that he wasn't cut out for this. Red was about to run off again, but she caught onto his shoulder and stopped him. They both stood still, Red gasping to try and catch his breath, until the dead end slid away to reveal the exit of the maze.

Trix started off, running like the wind in order to try and get more of a head start on the convicts still in the maze. The confusion of the maze's changing walls often made you forget yourself and panic, but the secret was to simply wait until the paths changed by themselves. She wondered if she had done the right thing, showing the Irken newbie what to do so early on, but quickly put the thought out of her mind as she realised that she was now in first position out of all of the convicts. She reached a large pit of mud, over which were suspended several worn-looking ropes, and launched herself up with her powerful legs, grabbing the first rope. She swung from one rope to another to clear the pit.

As she landed on the other side and began to run off, she heard uproarious laughter from behind her. She turned to see that Red had fallen at the first rope and was laying face down in the mud, struggling to get back to his feet as the rest of the convicts swung above his head. She carried on running, looking back every so often. Red continued to struggle, trying to push himself up but sliding around in the slippery mud. The entire group had overtaken him now; he had fallen from second position to last place again. Trix growled with frustration.

Red heard the sound of heavy footsteps squelching towards him and, with some difficulty, managed to lift his head up, expecting to see the leader with the whistle that the convicts had all respected, come to drag him from the field and humiliate him further. Instead he saw a huge blue hand, hovering so close to his face that he had to cross his eyes to focus on it. He took it, and the massive arm that belonged to it pulled him neatly out of the mud as though he were no lighter than a baby. He looked into Trix's hard, pointed face and began to thank her, but she spared him no more of her precious time and had already shot off like a bullet, desperate to regain her position in the race.

Red stared after her for a second before taking after her. His robes were heavy with mud and rubbed against his legs uncomfortably. He was cold and wet and drained, and starving hungry to boot. He wanted nothing more than to go back to the cell, except maybe going back to the Massive. Either would be welcome at that moment. There was tall metal box that the convicts were running into, and he joined them as quickly as he could. Though the convicts had simply been running before, they sprinted now, and Red soon found out why; large sheets of metal slid across from the sides of the corridor, and down from the ceiling. You needed to be incredibly agile to dodge these potentially deadly barriers.

Finally Red stumbled back into the light and scanned the crowds for Trix. He spotted her eventually, clawing her way back to the front. All of the convicts were running towards the finish; the only thing that lay between them and the finish line was a huge pit that they needed to jump across. Red heard Trix's roar as she leapt with all her might, landing on all fours at the other side and springing towards the finish. She came in fifth. He ran with all his might, seeing the rest of the convicts flying ahead of him with relative ease. He flung himself across the chasm, landing in a heap at the other side. Dragging himself to the finish, Red collapsed into last place at the feet of the laughing, jeering prisoners. The leader loomed over him, his face twisted into a look of impatience.

"Pathetic," he announced, and the crowd roared its approval. He turned to glare at them. "Shut up, you scum! You were only marginally better; none of you managed the target time. Not fit to shovel dung in the latrines, the lot of you. Now clear off and get showered. Not that it'll make much of a difference."

As the group sauntered off, sniggering like teenagers, Red dragged himself back up to his feet and wondered how he would ever survive here.

---

The three wardrobe drones squirmed where they stood as Purple loomed over them, his eyes narrowed. Calico was standing next to him with a look of quiet misery on her face, which had become even more pinched and pointed over the past few days. Her arms were stick-like and looked as though they might snap under too much pressure. Her eyes were tired and heavy; it had been several days since she had offered Purple tactical advice, and he still hadn't let her have a break in this time. However, it wasn't her uncharacteristically bedraggled appearance that Purple wanted to talk about.

"I thought you said this was a skin tight uniform," he said, and the drones stared at Calico with wide eyes.

The uniform that they had made for her had certainly been skin tight when they had made it for her; they had made sure of that. Now it hung from her skeletal frame, the skirt baggy and flowing, her bikini top being constantly hitched back up by her tired fingers. They took all of this in and analysed it, wondering how to answer their leader without being thrown out of the airlock, a problem that most drones on the Massive encountered at some point during their careers. Eventually, and rather surprisingly, the usually mute Gem stepped forwards.

"My Tallest," he began in his low, musical voice, "I assure you that these clothes were tailored to fit correctly. You saw them yourself when we had finished making them."

"Yes, but..." Purple began irritably, but Gem, rather daringly, continued to talk over him.

"I believe you found them to be satisfactory then," his calming tones continued, "So we definitely wouldn't have changed something that you were happy with. I believe the problem lies not with us, but Mistress Calico."

There was a long pause then, in which all eyes were on Gem. His partners had seemed mildly enthralled at what was an incredibly long speech for him. Calico stared sullenly at him, knowing that Purple would now pick her apart instead of them. Purple himself seemed to be thinking very hard about everything that had been said. Eventually he turned to Calico, studying her with eyes that were bright and curious; trying to work out what was different about her. Being a Tallest, even one so stressed and sick of his job as he was, he thought of little else but himself and never really noticed what was happing outside of his own personal bubble. A look of realisation slowly dawned on his face.

"You've lost weight," he said, and the drones nodded in unison, seemingly congratulating him for such an astute observation.

"I hadn't noticed," Calico began in a voice that, despite being nonchalant, had a sarcastic bite to it. She looked down at herself with apparent surprise. It didn't wash with Purple, however.

"Why would you lose weight? I didn't tell you to. Your job is looking good and this... this isn't sexy at all!" he said, not noticing the way Calico's eyes strayed to his own anorexically skinny stomach.

"Maybe, if I had some food, I might not lose so much weight," she suggested defiantly, gulping when she saw the way his eyes flashed dangerously.

"What do you mean? You've been having the finest Irken meals served to you three times a day!" Purple exclaimed, and there was a short silence. When Calico didn't look as though she was going to answer, Purple turned to the drones expectantly. Flo stepped forwards nervously.

"My Tallest, Mistress Calico hasn't been eating her meals," she said in a shaky voice. Purple stared incredulously at her.

"Why not?" he demanded, before turning his glare on Calico and asking "What's wrong with them?"

"I don't like them," she said quietly, noting the way his antennas twitched angrily and taking it as a bad sign. Still, it was all coming out now, like some stilted chat show, and she intended to tell him exactly what she thought of the 'finest Irken meals' she had been receiving.

"What did you say?" he asked, his voice poisonous and hissing like an adder about to strike. It was one thing to mouth off to the Tallest, quite another to insult his food. Calico snapped.

"I said I don't LIKE them! They make me feel SICK! They're DISGUSTING! Take your pick, I've got plenty," she screeched, and instantly knew she had gone too far.

Without another word, Purple slapped her smartly across the face, leaving an angry blue mark on her smooth cheek. The drones cringed simultaneously, and the air seemed to buzz with all of the hatred and contempt that went unspoken between the unfortunately married couple. Purple's blazing eyes fixed on hers, which welled up with sizzling tears of humiliation. Before she had been sent to the Massive, Calico hadn't cried since she was very young. She hadn't ever needed to; she was so used to everything going her own way. Now that things had changed for her, the tears came easily, and she started to sob like the spoilt and detestable prima donna that she was. The childish display did nothing to improve Purple's mood.

"Shut up!" he snapped at her irritably, and her sobs increased. She looked up at him, sniffing.

"I hate you," she said in a low voice.

"Good," he snarled, "I hate you too. Now quit that crying and get out of my sight. Next time I see you, you'd better have gained some weight."

Infuriated by the fact that her tears had no effect on him, Calico stopped crying abruptly. Purple was already half-way out of the door, an aura of anger still crackling around him. She shouted after him, rather lamely.

"I'd rather starve!" she called out, and he looked back into the room.

"Then you'd better hurry up and do it. Then at least I'll be rid of one problem," he spat, before storming off down the corridor. Fury burning inside her, Calico swept all of the bottles off a nearby table and sent them crashing to the floor. Screeching, she picked up a chair and flung it at the nearest mirror, making a satisfying smash. As she carried on with her toddler's tantrum, the drones simply stood and stared at the destruction of their haven with wide eyes.

"This is gonna be a bitch to clean up," Helio muttered.

"Too right," Flo agreed.

Gem just nodded.

---

The jeers continued in the huge food hall of the prison as Red walked in nervously, clutching his bowl of gruel to his chest. Looking around him at the military lines of tables that stretched out before him, each of them seating a different group of hostile faces, he wished he could go back to eat in the cell instead. The only good thing that seemed to have come from the assault course that morning was that the revolting gruel finally seemed appetising to him. However, it didn't look as though he was ever going to find somewhere to eat it.

As he turned to the next table, its occupants glared at him stonily. The closest one to him, a battle scarred and weather-beaten Vortian, cracked his knuckles threateningly. Red sighed and carried on walking. His robes were ripped and muddy and there was a bruise forming on one of his legs. Eventually he spotted a table that was empty save for one person; and he wasn't surprised to see that he recognised her. He walked over to Trix's table and sat down slightly apprehensively. She glanced up and grunted her acknowledgement of him, before turning back to her food.

Red ate ravenously, gulping down as much of the food as possible before the taste got the better of him. When that happened, he pushed the bowl away, only for Trix to pull it over to her side of the table and gulp down everything in it as well. Gruel was smeared up one side of her mouth, giving her the look of a freakishly muscular baby. Red watched the way that she gobbled the food with mild disgust, not realising that he had looked much the same back on the Massive, stuffing himself with snacks. When she had finished eating, Trix slouched back in her seat and closed her eyes, blocking out the rest of her surroundings. Red twiddled his long fingers together, debating whether to say something, when a heavy hand tapped him on the shoulder.

"My Tallest," an oddly high pitched voice began, spitting the words with biting contempt, "I was wondering if you could suck me as much as you sucked on the field."

Cheeks flaming, Red turned to see an alien larger than he had ever encountered before. His huge grey arms rippled with muscles, and his red eyes were narrowed in contempt. The other convicts began to laugh and whistle, but before Red could even stammer a response, he heard the bench behind him scraping backwards at an arming pace as the person sitting at it flew to her feet.

"Watch your mouth, Sparr, or there'll be a hole where your head is," Trix snarled, baring her dripping teeth. Laughing, Sparr turned to face her.

"I suppose you think that if you keep sticking up for this runt, there'll be a head where your..."

He stopped jeering with a sudden rattling choke and his hands flew to his throat, releasing their vice-like grip on Red's shoulder. His claws scrabbled at his neck and he gagged, his eyes bulged and his tongue lolled out of his mouth. His grey face darkened rapidly. From behind him, a low voice spoke.

"These clowns giving you trouble, Trixalie?" it asked.

"No, Orion. Sparr was just going back to his table," she said calmly, and with that the invisible hands that had been throttling Sparr released him. He stumbled forwards gasping, sparing Trix and Red a final glare before slinking off to a table. From the shadows behind them walked a slim, sinewy figure, whose icy grey eyes shone out of the dark. He walked around and sat down next to Trix, who promptly swept a hand across her face to get rid of any food and kissed him roughly. Red watched, bemused.

"It's not polite to stare, you know," Orion's low voice muttered, causing Red to jump. The voice had sounded in his head, rather than having been spoken out loud.

Red stopped looking, averting his eyes to the table instead. Things just kept on getting stranger and stranger for him.

**AN**

**Please review! Wow, it's been a long time since I last updated...**

**Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. Trix, Orion, Helio, Gem and Flo belong to me. **


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